


Down to memory lane

by Tummalaulu



Series: No name girl [1]
Category: Backstreet Boys
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-28
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2021-01-05 17:34:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 29,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21212444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tummalaulu/pseuds/Tummalaulu
Summary: A cruise with the 90s as the theme brings back more than funny and dear memories. Old scars, never healed wounds and secrets emerge to surface while on high seas.





	1. Meet Sofia

**Author's Note:**

> This is a story I’ve started to write when I was about 13 years old. We were three girls with too much spare time and two common passions: writing stories and the Backstreet Boys. Every day, on the breaks, we read to each other what we had imagined for our characters (alter egos, if you want) and discussed what we should do next with them. We put them through stupid and unlikely situations, but that was our escape from a boring reality. Everything we liked or didn’t like ended up in that three points of view mess. In simple words, three friends from Bucharest, Romania discover that their ordinary lives are far, far away from ordinary. One learns that she is a lovechild of Princess Diana, step sister to William and Harry. Because why not, right? One simply falls in love with Kevin. And the last one, my character, learns her favorite Backstreet Boy has a lost a sister and that she is that sister. And she falls for Nick. Again why not? When secondary school was over, so was our story. We chose different high schools and we lost track of each other. However I continued to write from time to time. Sometimes my likes in music were asking for something to be written. Crazy, but only last year I’ve searched for stories written by other people. Fan Fiction. I didn’t even know this term existed. I was hooked and I wanted to write again. And after a while I wanted to share this life time story, but it made no sense for anyone but me. Plus, it’s in Romanian. So I thought that I could write it backwards and in English. I am aware some of the things will not make any sense, so I’ll give you some background.  
Because the internet was not such a big thing on those days, we didn’t know much about the boys and even if we did, why would we care? We evented partners for every member, but a few years ago, on one of my comebacks to this story, I made them justice and coupled them with their real life partners. Except Brian. In this story Brian is married to a woman named Tia and has a boy, Chris. I could have change the names, but I was too attached to the characters, plus it was funny that I kinda predicted Brian would have an only child. Mel is the name of my character. At the age of 13 she learns Brian is her brother and soon after she moves to America to live with her real family. She and Nick fall in love or in something that looks like love. A series of fortunate events turn her into a successful model. She even stars in one of the boys’ video (no such video exists, purely fictional). Around 18 years old she discovers that Brian, his family and her stepfamily have some unshared bits of information about her. Brian’s real sister was long time dead and no one knew who the hell she was. She is determined to confront Brian, but on her way back to America her plane crashes. She is among the survivors, but the following months are a complete nightmare. At some point she tells Brian that she knows the truth and she leaves America with no further explications, leaving Nick in complete awe, heartbroken and disparate to understand what happened. And to bring her back. He blames Ville (from HIM…hey my tastes in music changed at that time, what can I say?) for their breakup, which makes Mel angry because all she did was her job, which implied to appear on his band video (no such video exists either). Brian, Nick and Mel’s relationship over the years fluctuates between worse and more than worse. When things get to almost good, a huge public scandal ignites and the fact she is not a Littrell makes the news. By that time, her model career transformed into an acting one, a quite successful one (the only real movie I’m using here is Avengers, I got rid of Scarlet Johansson and put my girl in Black Widow’s role) so the media is very, very interested in her life. She keeps it as private as she can. She is married with a Greek artist (the character is based on a real Greek singer, but I’d say is more imaginary than the others), lives in Spain (when not in Greece) and has twins, boy (Alexis) and girl (Cristina).  
The following story is inspired by the cruises the boys are doing with their fans. I’ve never been to one, or to a concert and (obviously) they have never been to Romania. The time line is a mess, don’t try to follow that. Anyway, I hope this is enough to understand a little bit this character that is a big part of my life and I hope you won’t hate her too much.   
Oh, yeah, and I’m sorry for my bad English!

Although she had had time to think about what she had accepted to do, she still wondered if she had chosen well or not. Jenn’s, their manager, phone call, from a few months ago, had totally surprised her. _Was she able and willing to go with the boys on their cruise?_ Without their knowledge. They had the 90s as their main theme and they wanted to recreate some of the videos involving some lucky fans. Except one of the videos. Hers. Wouldn't she just surprise the boys? She had not replied immediately. She had asked Jenn on many times if she really thought it was a good idea. Jenn found it brilliant. For her it seemed dangerous, but Jenn didn’t know all the dark things that were still kept secret. Not many people knew them. She would have asked Tia, but Jenn wanted to be a surprise for her too, especially because she would be on board. Oana, her old-time friend, rasped. She would have come with her if she had been able to, but some administrative stuff, plus an unplanned but welcomed pregnancy, kept her from a trip down to memory lane.   
_ \- I would have come with you, seriously! _  
_ \- Why? _  
_ \- That's gotta be exciting to throw yourself in the past. In that past when we did not know them. _  
_ \- But we know them ... _  
_ \- Yes, but at least for one day we could pretend we don’t. _   
Yiannis, her husband, had had somehow the same view as Oana.   
_ \- If you think you'll feel good, go. There are your memories too after all. _  
And here she stood now in front of the ship, in Laulu’s shoes more than hers, waiting for Jenn to appear. She was still not convinced that bringing Laulu, her dark and long-time buried alter ego, to the surface was a good idea, but she didn’t know what else she could do. Laulu was her opposite and her best disguise. While Mel had blonde, long, curly hair, Laulu had dark, bob shaped haircut. Mel’s eyes were brown with pinches of green, while Laulu’s eyes were blue. But most important, Laulu was bold and extroverted, and natural around strangers. Something Mel had to act, for Laulu was easy as breathing.   
\- Hey! Mel greeted Jenn with a smile on her face while the other woman stared at her in disbelief.  
\- Do not look at me like this! You said I should be undercover for a whole day.  
\- Damn! I would not have recognized you in a million years.  
\- Hopefully, that’s the way they will think too!  
-There are so many people I doubt you will bump into each other. I am more concerned about the fans.  
Mel looked at her questioningly.  
\- I want to be a surprise for everyone.  
\- Okay. Seems fair.  
\- Come on. Soon the embarking starts and it will be madness.

She spent all day walking around, amazed by how many people came. And by their behavior. She got a glimpse of the boys from time to time, she watched some activities from afar. _Was it like this all the time? All this swarm of women?_ She could not remember. She had never felt their presence. They were bigger stars in Europe than in America when she moved to be with Brian’s family. Her back then family. And when they reached their peak of fame she was traveling around the globe as much as they did. She could count on her hand the events where they showed up together. She was used to fans, she had her owns. Marvel movies had brought her thousands of them overnight. But she was not used to this. _How come they didn’t lose their minds? How the hell did they stay real, grounded? Just like you do,_ she thought. _Why would be a difference?_ Because this was more than "your music is special" or "your voice takes me out of depression" or “ Oh my god, that movie of yours helped me somehow”. It took another kind of liking an artist to board on a cruise ship with hundreds of other people. A kind that seemed she lacked. Had she never met them, would she have liked to participate in such a thing like Oana had said? She didn’t know. And how did Tia hold? Mel had never been jealous, but would she have been so under these conditions? If her relationship with Nick had not ended, at some point she would have acknowledged the fans. The female fans. Wouldn’t she? Her thoughts were suddenly broken off. She turned to see what the strange buzz was about, when she saw Kevin dressed up as a pirate, just like the rest of the boys were. A bunch of girls gathered around him, asking for a picture, a hug or an autograph. Their eyes met and she smiled at him with understanding.  
\- Quick, take us a picture! She heard and a DSLR camera landed in her hands. She looked at the camera in surprise then she looked at Kevin and the girl who already had hugged him. She bit her lips in order to stop the laugh she could feel building inside her.  
Nope, if she and Oana had embarked in such a cruise for real, they would have ended up having fun on their own, not giving a damn about photos and autographs. And it would have been the same regardless of the celebrities involved. Well, maybe not every celebrity, but she could not think of one right now that could bring to the surface the fangirl in her.  
She took the pictures and handed back the camera to its owner.  
\- Don’t you want a picture? The girl asked her.  
\- I ...ahm... I don’t have my phone with me. Mel shrugged and looked at Kevin who tried to follow their conversation.  
\- No worries. I am here for you!  
\- Ha...The girl pushed her towards Kevin, who smiled and put his arm around her waist.  
\- First time onboard? He asked her leaning a little to her ear.  
\- Hmmm...yeah.  
\- It can be overwhelming, I know! Kevin tried to assure her.  
\- I guess...I don’t know. I never imagined it can be so overwhelming!  
\- Well, have fun and...if you have trouble getting the boys for a picture come and tell me, he winked at her and gave her a playful smile.  
Mel couldn’t help herself and started laughing. Kevin looked at her confused, not because she was laughing, but because her laugh sounded familiar. He was about to recognize her. She could feel it.  
\- Thanks. I will remember that, she said quickly. You are so sweet. It was nice meeting you.  
The girl with the camera grabbed her hand and took her away from Kevin.  
_ I have to be more careful.__ I should have invented some fake spontaneous laugh for this trip._  
\- Give me an email address so I can send you the pictures, the girl said and put her phone into Mel’s hands. By the way, I’m Rachel.  
Mel looked at the phone, not sure what to do. No, she would not bring Laulu into this. Laulu had a purpose in life and did not match whatever she was doing here.  
\- Sofia! Nice to meet you!  
\- Are you alone?  
\- Yes.  
\- Me too. It’s my third cruise. On the first one, we were a bunch of friends. Then ...a smaller bunch. And now I’m the only one, Rachel laughed.  
\- Third? Aren’t you tired of it?  
\- Never. It’s addictive!  
Mel smiled.  
\- My friends didn’t know what to get me for my 30th anniversary and they thought this is a good idea. They knew I was a fan, but I kinda was in my adolescence. It seems this is a little bit over my head, she said and looked around her.  
\- That’s fine, it will come back to you! It’s like riding a bike, Rachel laughed. Who’s your favorite?  
Mel hesitated for a second, giving Rachel the opportunity to admit her crush.  
\- Nick is mine. He always was and he will always be!  
_ -__ Which should I choose? The one that has hurt me or the ones I’ve hurt?_ Brian, Mel let it slip out of her mouth. Brian used to be my favourite. That was not even a lie. Brian really used to be her favourite, but then life just got complicated. And her real name was actually Sofia, but at that point, a new word should have been invented to describe her life. _God, I should have asked for money! Big money!_  
\- If you want you can stick with me. I am very lucky at getting close to them and taking photos. I’m sure we can get Brian.  
Mel choked off and had to cough mildly. The idea of following the boys to get them in pictures made her laugh more than it should.  
-Thanks. That’s very sweet of you. I think I will accept your offer.  
She had no idea how to act as a fan. She simply didn’t. She always knew she’s not the kind of girl who loses her mind over someone. If she had any doubt, Brian standing in front of her as her cousin erased every trace of it. To be 13 years old and to wake up with your favorite poster boy at your home and not go all bananas, moreover to be able to play along with that charade „I’m not famous, just a coincidence of names, looks and everything else”, it sure required some degree of tolerance to startstruck. Or good acting skills. Or a combination. From that moment on it didn’t matter whom she met. She stopped putting someone up on a pedestal. Sure, there were times when she got nervous about meeting some famous actors or singers, but that used to happen at the beginnings of her career. Now she just didn’t care so much. She knew they were all humans, warts and all, fears and secrets. Just like her.


	2. Blend In

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Luka and Stjepan are from 2Cellos (amazing cellists)  
The concert in Bucharest in purely fictional (unfortunetlly)

Hours later she was standing at a table surrounded by some chatty women. Rachel was sitting next to her. The women were not total strangers, Mel could tell that they had met each other before. Previous cruises, concerts, internet. She still felt a little out of her place. This whole experience was like a cold shower. A few years ago she had gone undercover with her Romanian nephews to see Luka and Stjepan in concert and she had even taken autographs for the kids, blending in tens of fans, mostly women. She had gone to her husband’s concert without telling him and still hadn’t have the feeling she had now. And she had seen Ville in Helsinki, one of the rare times when the artist knew she was attending. She could still remember his voice taking over the crowd, spell bounding everyone including her. It was truly magical, but could not compare to this. This atmosphere was unique.  
\- Sofia? Hey, Sofia!  
\- Hmm...sorry...what were you saying?  
\- The girls want to know if you ever saw the boys in concert.  
\- Yes, long, long time ago.  
\- Where? Rachel wanted to know.  
Mel faked a cough to give herself time to think a little. She better told the truth, because she could not name a real concert and even if she did chances were that one of them had attended it.  
\- Believe it or not, in Romania.  
\- Are you Romanian? All of them shouted in surprise.  
\- Like Mel? Rachel added.  
Mel’s eyes widened as she heard her name.  
\- Mel? She asked.  
\- You know, Brian’s sister and not...sister in the same time.  
\- Oh, right, that Mel…_They are fans, dumbass! Of course they know about you! They probably know more about you than you do!_ No, no I’m not. It was more like a coincidence. My parents were traveling a lot when I was in my teens so it just happened to be there at the right moment, I guess.  
\- Guys, I have a confession to make, one of the women started. I know you may not agree with me, but I’m gonna tell it anyway. I’m still not over Nick and Mel’s break up.  
It took all Mel’s acting skills to remain calm on her chair. _How the hell was that still a topic? Just how?!_  
\- But this is a story that ended a hundred years ago, Rachel claimed.  
_You could say that again!_  
\- Yeah, but this whole 90’s theme got me thinking and, I don’t know...I liked them. We have to be honest and admit that what happened afterward were not Nick’s best times. He never said it, but it’s obvious he suffered a lot for her.  
_I could search myself on Google and it __wouldn’t __be so bad as this shit__._  
\- And that’s another thing! I don’t like Lauren!  
\- Guys, Mel interrupted, we are not the ones who have to like her!  
\- We just want the best for him, Rachel sad laughing quietly.  
_But what about poor me?! _Mel shouted inside her mind.  
\- I didn’t like her either in the beginning. But Nick is at his best now and I think it’s due to Lauren.  
Mel took a big sip from her cocktail, but realized she needed something stronger than that to face the night.  
\- Talking about Mel…I have mixed feelings. I don’t know if I should admire her for keeping her private life really private or be mad.  
_And that is exactly why I’m keeping it private!_  
\- I really like her as an actress. I was totally surprised about her film choices, I could imagine her only in rom coms or stuff like this. And she made none. But her movies are impressive.  
\- She won the Oscar this year.  
\- Yeah, I heard. But what was all that big fuss around her partner?  
\- Oh, that…Everyone thought her partner was some cute guy, a cellist or something.  
She knew her overexposed friendship with Luka would backfire at her at some point, but she had never imagined that she would assist the open fire first row.  
\- And surprise, surprise…the woman continued. Our lovely Mel had secretly married to some unknown older guy.  
_Your Mel?! What the heck? Unknown? Older…Yeah, older is an accurate description…_  
Mel tossed off her drink. She hadn’t drunk so much in years and she could feel the alcohol running through her body.  
\- I really appreciate them for how they dealt with that situation 3 years ago...or how many years were...the woman who didn’t accept Lauren said.  
\- Four, Mel whispered. Four years.  
\- I guess it wasn’t easy for them. To learn that your family is not your family, that your lost daughter is still lost. Moreover that she’s forever lost and to have the strength to accept someone else as your own child and sister…  
\- Maybe it’s just PR, another woman affirmed. To me, this relationship of them seems artificial.  
_Aren’t you a delight, miss All Natural? _It was one thing to read an article about you, a totally untrue article about you, and a whole lot of thing to face people’s opinion one on one.  
The other women defended Mel in a heart bit. They saw nothing wrong in Mel’s photos with the boys, their wives or kids that she posted from time to time. More often it happened the boys to post something and not her.  
\- It’s not that I hate her, the woman pleaded. It's just she seems a little bit bogus.  
\- Don’t you think they are really over it? Mel asked her trying to hide the almost hate that had taken over her.  
\- I don’t think it’s possible. I don’t think I could do it. You?  
Mel shook her head.  
\- I don’t know. It depends on a lot of factors. I have a super nice relationship with my folks, she lied. If I learned they are not my biological parents I wouldn’t care much at this point in my life. But if I learned that they kidnapped me or things like this, I would have at least one proper breakdown. She was trying so hard to sound like she was not affected and judging by the women’s faces she was doing a great job.  
\- Did she find her real parents? Does she know who she is? I haven’t kept track of the events, one of the women wanted to know.  
\- No! Rachel responded immediately.  
Mel's hand clutched tightly around the now empty cocktail glass.  
\- Her life story is just crazy, Rachel added.  
_Y__eah, and you don’t know half of it!_  
\- I don’t know, I still believe that Mel and Nick would look amazing as a couple.  
They all burst into laughter and Mel played along.  
\- They don’t fit together anymore. They evolved differently, Rachel stated.  
Mel could not face this conversation any longer.  
\- Girls, please excuse me! I will go to my cabin to sleep a little before the party. She had no plan to come back at all. Not after this. All this bathing in the past was too much. Four years ago the media went again nuts over her life. How she was feeling, did she knew, did she search for her family, did her adoptive parents know, did Brian’s family know, why did they accept her as their daughter so easily? She never responded to those questions. She and Brian made a simple statement and refused to take part in that circus. It helped that their case was not the only one and other people had no problem bringing their drama on TV. Secretly she had hoped all that witch hunt involving her orphanage would bring some important piece of information for her. She had tried for years to find something about her real family and all the clues had proved to be dead ends. She simply didn’t exist! No one knew how she had gotten to that place. No one knew someone who could know. And no one had been able to become the person with the answer. She hadn’t had high hopes and still she had quietly suffered because again she had been left nameless, familyless, countryless…  
\- Are you ok? Rachel asked her.  
\- Yeah, don’t worry! Just a little bit tired.  
She left the table and tossed off two shots of tequila before she made her way through the crowd. She was so fired from that inoffensive chit chat that she didn’t even react to the strong alcohol like she was usually doing, making some funny faces and getting goosebumps all over her. She was waiting for the elevator and could feel her brain buzzing for so many thoughts.  
\- Hey, sweetheart!  
\- Kevin! she exclaimed like she was a thief caught at the entrance of some house.  
\- Oh, you remember me! he joked.  
\- I’m sorry! I don’t have the best reactions when I’m nervous, she shyly smiled.  
\- It’s ok...he paused so she could tell her name.  
\- Sofia.  
\- Well, Sofia, I hope you have a great time. You don’t head for bed so early, don’t you?  
\- No, no! She lied. I just have to prep for the party. I’m a huge Avengers fan.  
\- Oh yeah? And did you bring your costume? What will you be?  
\- You won’t miss me, I can tell you that, she said in a slightly provocative way.  
\- I just hope you are not Hela because it will trouble Nick. You see, he is Thor.  
\- That’s not possible! Thor is Odin’s son, not vice-versa.  
They both started laughing.  
\- Besides, Jane Foster would be the real trouble, Mel continued the game.  
\- Oh, hun, that place is so taken! Kevin laughed.  
Mel raised an eyebrow and almost let a smirk paint her lips. _Did he just admit that Nick was not over her? Or some other girl, except Lauren__,__ took her place?_  
\- Nevermind! Kev said quickly. He realized he said a little bit too much about Nick to a stranger. You will look great, I’m sure! See you later! Kevin said and winked at her. Mel chuckled like a schoolgirl and entered the elevator. When the doors closed she sighed and let her eyes roll in her head.  
\- Jesus, she hissed.  
Their relationship with their fans was something else. As the elevator started to move she squeezed her eyes shut and held her breath for a few seconds. Those damn machines were far from being her friends.  
She took a shower and she laid in the bed for an hour. She couldn’t sleep. She couldn’t even bring her eyelids together for more than a blink. She looked at her original, straight from the set Black Widow costume that was hanging in front of her.  
\- What the hell? Let’s have some fun! How wrong can things turn? She jumped out of her bed and put the costume on. Good, now let’s bring Sofia back! She put her black colored wig and blue lenses. A little bit of strategical makeup and Mel was gone.


	3. The reveal

The next day she managed to avoid the boys and Rachel also. The moment when she would reveal herself was approaching so she went to get ready.  
\- Mel, it’s Jenn! She heard on her door. Can I come in?  
\- Sure! It’s open.  
\- How did you enjoy this cruise so far?  
\- It was....interesting, I might say.  
\- Are you ready? You look just like in the video. Where do you hide the years? You are 15 dressed like this.  
Mel took a look in the mirror.  
\- That’s how I feel too. These clothes are to blame, Mel giggled. So, what’s the plan?  
\- We'll start in 15 minutes. John will wait for you at the door and I will tell him when to bring you.  
\- Oh...I have an escort. Ok…She was actually impatient to see John, the last time they had met Odin was not even born. She never wanted a bodyguard, but after the crash, Nick and Brian insisted to have one, like that could protect her from falling airplanes. When she had stormed out of America, John remained in Nick’s service.  
\- It will be great! Jenn said and left the cabin.  
\- Let’s hope so, she murmured.  
John brought her to the place where the activity was held only a few minutes before her turn was. The boys and a bunch of fans were still trying to dance in sync the choreography from Everybody. Needless to say, they were more laughing than dancing.  
\- So, last video, guys! Jenn announced. Nick, come here!  
\- Oh…ok. What do I have to do?  
\- Just sit there. Boys, get in line here! Nick, don’t turn around!  
\- We are doing that video? Nick exclaimed. You gotta give me some bonus points!  
\- Be quiet and stop turning! Jenn scolded him.  
\- We were not in that scene! Howie said.  
\- Yeah, well, you will just sing! Jenn tried to make them shut up already.  
\- Why did you choose Nick’s scene? Howie wanted to know.  
\- Because it’s an easy one, that’s why! And we don’t have much time. Come on guys, sing something.  
Brian started to sing, the rest following him and Jenn made Mel a sign to enter. Dressed in a short jean romper and a white crop top, wearing snickers, with her blonde hair finally freed, Mel went on stage. Some fans recognized her in a heartbeat and started to cheer loudly. The boys looked at her in total surprise, not knowing if it was really her or some very good lookalike. Only AJ stopped singing, shouted „Princess” and launched himself towards her, but Jenn stopped him in time. Nick wanted to turn, but Mel was already behind him and she covered his eyes with her hands. She smiled to the public as more and more fans knew who she was.  
\- What is going on? Nick asked.  
\- Stick with the script, Nick! Jenn said.  
Maybe her touch, or her scent, or maybe her hair that was softly touching his arms made him realize who was standing behind him. He took her hands away from his eyes, turned around and without looking at her he took her into his arms. Mel hugged him too. All the boys stopped singing and surrounded the still hugging duo.  
\- What are you doing here? Nick asked letting her go.  
\- It was Jenn’s idea. She wanted to make you a surprise.  
\- Wait, not even Tia knew? Brian asked.  
\- Not even her.  
\- You gonna pay me for this! Tia shouted from backstage.  
\- But how? When? Howie wanted to know.  
\- Were you here all the time? AJ asked.  
\- Of course. Where could have I been?  
\- Did you hide in the cabin all the time? Kevin exclaimed.  
\- Of course not, Mel laughed. I wandered around here, I embraced the cruise’s experience.  
The boys started a new series of questions, talking one over another in a veritable dissonance.  
\- Come on! You have things to do. Your fans are waiting for you. We will have time for this later, Mel prepared her exit from the stage and the boys had to agree that was not the time for chit chat.  
Mel went straight to Tia who first gave her a slap on her upper arm then hugged her.  
\- Were you really here all the time?  
\- You didn’t miss any helicopter that brought me here, that’s for sure.  
\- And what the heck did you do?  
\- What everybody is doing. Took pictures, gossiped, had fun, got a nasty tan...  
\- No really, what did you do?  
\- I’m not lying, I’ve blended in. Speaking of which, how do you deal with it?  
\- Deal with what?  
\- With this! Mel said gesturing with her hand to the fans.  
\- Don’t tell me you forgot how it was! Tia laughed.  
\- Tia, I think I never knew. I have my fans, I even think I have a stalker, but...  
\- But no one would board a cruise for you?  
\- Yeah! And I don’t know if it’s a good thing or a bad one.  
They both giggled like schoolgirls.  
\- You gonna love this. Yesterday I was caught in a very interesting conversation. My life was dissected in front of me.  
\- Oh, that’s bad! They had no clue you were the wolf among the sheep, huh?  
\- If you want to put it that way. It seems Nick and I are still a thing.  
Tia burst into laughter.  
\- I’m sorry. That it’s not a nice reaction, she said trying to control her laughter.  
\- I would have laughed too, but I was there! I had no idea people remember that Nick and I were together.  
\- So what were they saying?  
\- That I’m better than Lauren.  
\- Well, you are. But not for Nick!  
\- Oh, Tia! Sometimes I wonder how your bad mouth copes with Brian’s religiosity.  
\- Inner voice and languages he doesn’t speak. And you! I’m so glad you are here.  
\- I’m not sure what I am, Mel sighed.  
\- History taught us that you and the five of them in the same place can get tricky easily. God knows why it takes the whole band to mess things up when the mess is between you, Brian and Nick.  
\- I bring the worse in them, Mel laughed.  
\- Come on, let’s get something to drink and chat for a while. Tell me, what’s up with that poor soul that it’s not your husband but should have been.  
\- Should have been?!  
\- Could have?  
\- Oh, Tia! Mel took her by her arm and they started walking to the bar. Luka is fine. He got married and has a newborn baby boy. My husband is pretty good too, you know? She said with a little tint of annoyance in her voice. It was one thing to get that reaction from the public, but it seemed her own friends had a hard time accepting that she had married a guy who was 15 years older than her. Not that they didn’t like him, but they liked more the young guy who had never passed the “just friends” threshold.


	4. A Q&A session

When Tia had to join Brian in some activity, Mel headed back to her cabin. It didn’t take long before she heard a knock on her door.  
\- Mel, it’s Jenn!  
\- Come in! Still open!  
The door opened and two persons, not one entered her cabin.  
\- What are you doing here? Mel asked AJ who sneaked past Jenn into the room.  
\- Ahm...AJ didn’t seem to find his words.  
\- What are you up to? Mel inquired him. What else are you up to, more precisely?  
\- You see, Jenn started, I think you also noticed that your appearance was not a surprise only for the boys, but for fans too. They were very excited to see you. I saw that they asked you for pictures and autographs too.  
\- Yeah...  
\- Well, many of them asked me if you'd join the boys tonight at the Q&A event.  
Mel stared at her flabbergasted.  
\- Why would they want that?  
\- Because you are part of their past and present and because they have never had that chance. And because it’s the 90s.  
\- And you, she said looking at AJ, do you sustain her? And do you think it’s a good idea?  
\- Yes, Princess! I knew you’d not believe Jenn. That’s why I’m here.  
\- Are you sure you took the pulse right? I really do not want to ... don’t know, to look like I divert your attention from them. Or some other nasty ideas. I mean, look, why are they not asking for Tia?  
-That's different. Tia takes photos with them and she is involved in activities with Brian, but you are a star on your own. You are a…bonus.  
Mel sighed. It seemed like any decision she would take, it would be wrong. There was no correct answer. But if there wasn’t one, at least she could please AJ. She felt bad because they saw each other so rarely. Against all odds, her relationship with them was better after the media was taken by storm by the scandal at her former orphanage. Brian was the only one from whom she kept some distance. She always talked to Tia, or Chris, or his parents, but not him.  
\- OK, fine! She gave in and AJ jumped to hug her.  
\- Come on, Princess! It can’t be worse than promoting a movie.  
\- Let’s hope so…

Mel still had her doubts that the fans really wanted to see her on stage next to them, but when Jenn announced her, the roaring of applause that welcomed her changed her mind. Wearing the same outfit from earlier, she took a seat next to AJ, behind Howie.  
\- Let me tell you how this works, Jenn started. Fans wrote their questions and gave them to me and I have them all here. I don’t think we have time for all, but let’s do our best, OK boys...and Mel? So, first question! Michelle asked, “What did Mel do for almost two days on the boat that no one knew she was here?”  
A round of applause marked the fact everyone was curious.  
\- Yeah, Mel, we wanna know too! Brian said.  
\- What can I tell you? I was undercover. I didn’t hide in my cabin and no helicopter brought me today. I did what everybody was doing. I made friends, I watched the shows, I took photos with the boys…  
\- You did what? AJ exclaimed.  
\- With whom? Asked Howie.  
Mel looked at Kevin and Nick with a smirk on her face.  
\- No...Kevin hissed. It’s not possible!  
\- Oh, but it is! Mel confirmed almost laughing.  
\- What, what? Why are you looking at me like that? Nick asked.  
\- Sofia? Kevin asked in disbelief.  
\- The one and only...almost, Mel grinned.  
\- What the hell are you talking about? Howie asked, but on the next second, it hit him. You were the Black Widow last night!  
\- No she wasn’t! Nick vehemently contradicted him.  
\- Howie is right! Mel nodded.  
Nick jumped off his chair covering his mouth with his hands.  
\- Tell me you are messing with me, he mumbled.  
\- I really was the Black Widow and I did present myself as Sofia.  
Nick shook his head and sat back on his place, eyes fixing Mel.  
\- God how I admired your costume! Howie said.  
\- You admired her ass, Zorro, not her costume! AJ corrected him and Howie’s face turned red in a second.  
\- No, I didn’t!  
\- We all did, let’s be honest and move on! AJ said.  
\- But...Sofia? Kevin seemed caught in a loop.  
\- How much did you two talk? Nick asked Kevin. I mean, I only took a picture with her and praised her costume.  
\- I am so embarrassed, Kevin muttered.  
\- That was the idea. Not to make feel you embarrassed, no, but no one was supposed to recognize me.  
\- But we know you! Nick cried.  
\- She didn’t win the Oscar for nothing, Howie laughed.  
\- Let’s move on! Jenn interfered. Who was your first celebrity crush? Camilla wants to know.  
\- Oh..it’s been a long time, Brian said and sank in thoughts.  
\- Hmm…Alissa Milano, Howie said.  
\- Good choice! Mel approved patting him on his back.  
\- Everybody was in love with her, Kevin stated.  
\- Sandra Bullock, Brian said.  
\- Can I answer for him? Mel asked. He has no idea what he’s saying.  
\- I would have said you want to answer for Nick, AJ mumbled and Mel kicked him with her knee.  
Brian turned to her and looked at her in wonder.  
\- You had a huge crush on Pa….  
-…mela Anderson, both said.  
\- That is so right. How could I forget about Pamela?  
\- What about you, Mel? Who was your first celebrity crush? Nick inquired to know, and Kev seemed close to give him one upside the head.  
\- It may sound odd because I know you since I was 13, but it was not you, guys.  
\- Ricky Martin? Howie asked. I know you used to like him back then…  
\- Ahahah, yes! And I still like him, but he wasn’t the first either. Well, it’s not really a celebrity my first crush, but I was so in love with him. Saber Rider. My first love was a cartoon.  
\- Excuse me?!  
\- What? I was little, he was blonde and he was saving the world. What more could have I asked?  
\- I have no idea who Saber Rider is, Kevin admitted.  
\- I remember you were telling me about these cartoons. And about some blond Zorro.  
Mel burst into laughter.  
\- Oh, yes. Kaiketsu Zorro. He was my second crush. And he’s my favorite Zorro, sorry Howie.  
\- Blond? He’s not a true Zorro!  
\- Again, I was little, he was blond and he was saving…something. But, my first celebrity crush… I will have something in common with Brian.  
\- Pamela?! AJ couldn’t hold back his excitement.  
\- No. Jesus, AJ! The Hoff. David Hasselhoff. And I wanted a car like KITT so bad.  
\- So, next question. Jess wants to know “ If you were gay who would be your one-night stand fantasy?”  
\- You don’t have to be gay to have a same-sex fantasy, Mel stated. Or do you?...she quietly asked when all five boys looked at her in awe.  
\- Please, do tell us more! AJ grinned.  
\- AJ! Brian scolded him.  
\- What? Answer the question AJ bristled up.  
\- Mark Wahlberg! Brian said with confidence.  
\- What the…? Mel exclaimed. I didn’t see that one coming.  
\- I have my secrets.  
\- This is not a secret. This is a dark side.  
\- Tom Cruise, Kevin said interrupting their chatter.  
\- Ryan Gosling or Ryan Reynolds, AJ stated.  
\- You can’t tell them apart, can you? Mel laughed.  
\- I like them both equally.  
\- Hmm…Nick started. A football player. An old football player. Brett Favre.  
\- Nick, you are supposed to have sex with the man, not to cuddle and pray so he won’t die, Mel said.  
\- He’s not that old! Nick defended himself. He’s like…50. I don’t know.  
\- Boy, you have to rethink your age scale, ‘cause Kevin here is not far from that number.  
\- Great! Now I’m gonna be depressed for the rest of the day, Kevin complained.  
\- I was wrong. He’s not old, he’s...experimented. I like experimented guys. Is it better, Mel?  
\- Give me five, bro! We are in the same boat, Mel laughed. I’ve married one!  
\- What about you, Howie? Nick asked while he was high-fiving Mel.  
\- I..I can’t think of someone. Mel?  
\- What? Do you want me to answer for you?  
\- No, who is your woman-crush?  
\- Well, it’s quite hard for me to choose only one, to be honest, she said and electric silence took over the boys.  
\- I'd say Charlize Theron. She is so sexy, it would be enough just to watch her.  
Nick raised an eyebrow. He never thought Mel could admire a woman like that, despite the rumors that surrounded her for years.   
\- And with this image in our minds, AJ started, Howie, would you please tell us who is your gay fantasy?  
\- Enrique Iglesias, because Ricky Martin is taken by Mel.  
\- I’m pretty sure he would prefer to be your fantasy, not mine! She said and Howie’s face turned red once again.  
\- Dana wants to know, Jenn’s voice was heard, what impressions Mel’s first movie made on you guys.  
\- Oh God! Mel covered her face with her hands. She was quite impressed by how these questions came one after another.  
\- For those of you who don’t know, her first movie was about a…she was…AJ was trying to find proper words.  
\- My character is a teenager who learns that love can come to you in unexpected ways. In her case, we are talking about another girl. The movie presents their complicated relationship, how they deal with what they feel, with what others feel about what they feel and well, it’s a movie about adolescence and sexuality, so of course sex is present.  
\- Good thing no one asked us this when the filmed aired, AJ said. It would have been hard to answer.  
\- You were on a break at that time.  
\- Yeah, Mel, and no one knew that you were…you! Brian said with a half amused, half accusing tone.  
Mel chose not to respond to Brian. Although she hadn’t given up to Brian’s family name officially, she had chosen her uncle’s as her stage name when she had begun acting. She had not been able to talk about the accident and she had known people were curious about it. Even after years, it was still a hot topic, so changing her name had allowed people to focus on her work, not on her past. Melissa Littrell, the supermodel, was hiding from the world, but Melissa Simon was conquering it.  
\- I will answer this, Kevin stepped in. You know, it’s like when your kids finally are old enough, and you really think that diapers, bottles, crying, sleepless nights are over, and you are so happy about it and suddenly poof! New baby!  
\- What the hell are you talking about? Howie asked him.  
\- That was Mel for us. A new baby! AJ and Nick were finally grown up, well they weren’t, but let’s say they were and suddenly we had around us a youngster again. And a girl. But she was no ordinary baby. She didn’t need to be babysitted. She always behaved more mature, she was a tomb boy with a je ne sais quoi. It was no surprise that she became a model. It was a surprise how deep she buried the tomb boy though.  
\- I’ve never buried the tomb boy, what are you saying?  
\- Yeah, you did! All the crazy stuff you like to do now, like mountain biking impossible paths and motorcycling like you are competing for MotoGP, or paragliding, or whatever you are up to these days…that it’s not the tomb boy, that is a death wish!  
Mel started to laugh.  
\- That is not true.  
\- You really like adventurous activities, Mel! Howie said. You can’t deny that.  
\- Anyways…I really thought that the...I don’t know how to say this so I don’t sound inappropriate. AJ, my brother, there’s no easy life for you as a father of two girls…  
\- Yeah, I know that!  
\- I thought that the maximum of her sexiness, let’s say, was when she catwalked in bathing suits or lingerie. Boy, I was wrong! It takes a lot of maturity to play such a role and not making something vulgar out of it. Mel and her partner didn’t show their bodies, well not much of them, but was still like watching good porn.  
\- Vanilla porn, maximum, Mel stated.  
\- I never saw the movie, Brian said.  
Mel didn’t believe him. She was sure he was just playing safe.  
\- Maybe you should ask Chris about it. He’s old enough now to see it and Mel will be his favorite aunt for a whole new reason, AJ laughed.  
\- AJ, come on! Brian scolded him and Mel slapped his upper arm.  
\- Well, that was a good question. One that I was afraid I would be asked when the film was released. I didn’t make the film to make a statement or something. It was more like a case of the right person at the right place at the right time. The director contacted me and said he can’t imagine someone else in that role, I made him wait for 2 years and the not showing too much skin part was my idea. I didn’t know if I had what it takes to be a decent actor so I tested myself with that. And I guess I passed the test, Mel laughed. I didn’t change my name in order to escape this kind of question.  
Brian looked at her. He didn’t need an answer, because he knew it already.  
\- I know, sis! I’m sorry I said that, he whispered.  
\- Elena wants to know, Jenn interfered again, if Mel is still your fan.  
\- Well…all the boys looked at her and Mel started laughing. I am here, so I guess I am.  
\- Come on, Princess, we can’t be your guilty pleasure!  
\- What? No, you are not my guilty pleasure. Balkan music of dubious quality is my guilty pleasure. Your first two albums, the European ones, will always mean something to me. You have really good songs on other albums, but as a whole these two were…I don’t know. I like them more. And I really enjoy all the song you never put on albums.  
\- What’s your favorite song? Howie asked.  
\- Hmm…it’s a very deep and meaningful song…Boys will be boys.  
Everybody started laughing after a moment of perplexity.  
\- Is it really your favorite? Howie looked suspiciously at her.  
\- It makes me dance, it’s upbeat, and it’s damn funny to hear Brian singing something like that. And Nick…Oh God, so much passion and he had no clue what he was singing about.  
\- It’s so wrong in so many ways, Nick shook his head.  
\- I was thinking you are more into…Nunca te hare llorar, Brian started to sing.  
\- Neah…Knowing all I have to do is reach out my hand to you, Mel crooned to her own surprise. _Guess I still have some cocktails from last night in me. _She did not consider singing as one of her assets.  
Brian remained silent, astonished by how Mel’s voice sounded.  
\- Anytime I want to look into your Spanish eyes, Howie ended.  
Mel looked at him and smiled.  
\- And that’s why I moved to Spain, she joked. And, yeah, that one is my favorite!  
\- I haven’t heard you singing in ages, Howie said. Actually I heard you only once, when we met.  
\- I never heard you sing, Kevin stated.  
AJ coughed. He was the only one who knew how beautiful Mel could sing when she wanted. After the accident, they had spent a lot of nights on the halls of her house killing the time and their demons with beer and music. Because of her brain injury, she was not allowed to drink, so beer was their compromise. It gave him something and did not kill her. On some nights, Oana joined them and on those nights the girls sang him all the songs they loved. He used to like the Romanian ones the most, although he never had a clue about what they were because both Mel and Oana put their whole souls in them.  
\- What was the point? There was enough singing in the house.  
\- AJ and Mel, this one is for you! Jenn said.  
\- Oh! Both exclaimed.  
\- Mel, are you aware of the fact that AJ calls you "princess"? AJ, why are you calling her like this?  
\- Uhm…I am, yes. I don’t know why he does that though, Mel looked at AJ who suddenly became uncomfortable. I don’t remember when it started…it just seemed natural and I never asked him why. So, AJ, why are you calling me princess?  
AJ leaned to her and whispered away from the mic.  
\- Are you sure you want to hear the answer?  
\- Is that bad?  
\- It’s…intimate. And you don’t usually talk about this stuff. I have no problem telling you…  
\- OK…say it. How intimate can it be? Mel only hoped she would not regret that she agreed on hearing the reasons behind that nickname.  
\- Well, AJ sighed, this nickname has a story and it doesn’t have anything to do with the fact she is a good friend of William and Harry. It was right after the crash. You were in the hospital, in coma…  
\- Oh, fuck! Mel hissed. She did not expect that start.  
-…and you were giving no signs of recovering and doctors started to be worried. You weren’t breathing on your own and they kinda said that we should prepare for the worst. I remember I shouted at Howie that none of us would unplugged you and he replied that it was not our decision. It was Brian’s parents. Not that they would have done such a thing, but that thought that I can’t do anything…AJ shook his head. So I rushed to the hospital and I told you every story with princesses that were wakened up by a kiss. I think I even invented some and I threatened you that I would come every day with these stories if you don’t wake up. I kissed your forehead and I caressed your hair and the next day you were better. You were awake.  
\- Geez, AJ!...Mel managed to mumble.  
\- So you see, of course it’s natural to call you…  
AJ’s words got lost in Mel’s embrace.  
\- I’m so sorry, Aje! So, so sorry! I gave up on you…she whispered in his ear.  
\- No, you didn’t. You don’t have to apologize.  
\- I left you with no words, no goodbyes, no nothing…  
\- That is not true, Princess! You let the right four words to the right person. And I’ll be forever grateful for that.  
Mel tried her best to stop the tears she felt invading her eyes from coming down on her cheeks. She knew what AJ meant with those four words. She had been the first one who had had a hunch that he had a problem. No, it had not been a hunch. She had known for sure he had a problem and yet she had left him without an explanation and without trying to do anything for him. She had only left a note on Kevin’s piano: “Take care of AJ”. That’s all! __T_hat’s all you did for your friend! And he considers you saved him! _The fact Kevin had understood at some point what she had meant was pure luck. He could have ignored it or could have not got it and AJ situation could have been even worse than it had been. _Shitty friend, that’s what you are!_  
\- Why are you crying? Mel asked Kevin trying to wash away those thoughts.  
\- Because he is a cry baby in case you forgot. And because that was a tear-jerker, Howie said his eyes getting wet also.  
\- OK, let’s move to something more cheerful! Jenn spoked.  
\- She didn’t die, Jenn! Nick said. And they are gonna live happily ever after…not together, but happy!  
Jenn ignored the laughs and moved to the next question.  
\- Is there any video you would like to change and why?  
\- Quit playing games!  
\- No! Mel shouted. I mean it’s bad, but it’s so good.  
\- It’s lame! Nick said.  
\- It would be lame if you made it now.  
\- I don’t know…there are some that have no meaning, but I don’t know if I want them changed, Howie said.  
\- We changed one, Brian giggled.  
\- We did? Nick wondered. Oh, yes! We did. Yeah…We didn’t tell this, I don’t know why, but we had no idea Mel was our designated model. And she had no idea for whom she would film. Let’s just say adjustments were made on the fly in order to avoid some illegal or immoral scenes.  
\- Yeah, I’m to blame for that …serene video, Mel rolled her eyes. Just don’t say anything about my legs, AJ!  
\- They look even better than they did 15 years ago.  
\- You are so slick, Mel shook her head in slight admiration.  
\- Do you read fanfics? Jenn asked.  
\- God, no! Nick said. It would be bad.  
\- Do you know there are stories where they coupled us? Kevin asked.  
\- Us who? Nick wanted to know.  
\- Me and you, for example. Every combination I assume.  
\- That is just sick. Why the hell are you laughing? Nick asked Mel who seemed she was close to fell off of her chair.  
\- I read one. Years ago. It was about you and Howie and let me tell you, Howie, there was no happy ending for you. I mean there were some happy endings…  
\- What?! Please stop…  
\- You kind of died in the end.  
\- Kind of?  
\- OK, you were dead dead. Nasty shit, don’t ever read it.  
\- I was not going to.  
\- Have you ever read one that implied you? Kevin asked her.  
\- No, that was the only one I’ve read. It was enough. I can understand the fantasy of any of you coupled…  
\- You can?!  
\- Two guys can be as sexy as two women…  
Brian covered his ears and started to hum something.  
\- Watch your mouth, young lady! Kev gave her a fake scold.  
\- But why kill the celebrity you like? I hope there are no stories about me.  
\- You can hope, but it won’t help, Brian said. Kev, you think Nick and Howie, or Nick and you, or any other combination is bad? I read one about me and Mel!  
For a few seconds, Mel’s mind went blank and she stopped breathing. _Why the hell did he bring that kind of relation into the discussion? Just why?! What the fuck is wrong with you, you idiot?!_  
\- As non-brothers I suppose, Nick said.  
\- What difference does it make? Mel cried. It’s...sick. She accentuated the last word as if it was a punishment.  
\- Oh, we were brothers and all and the fact we are not related was not implied…not in the chapter I read at least.  
\- In this case, I will not be surprised if some porno Snow Whiteish story exists somewhere. We lived together for one year, Mel poorly tried to joke.  
\- And could you read it? Howie asked Brian.  
\- I didn’t finish it. It was …unconvincing.  
\- Could have it been otherwise? Mel ironically asked him while she held his gaze.  
\- No, he murmured and let his eyes down. He could feel her piercing stare even so. She was furious and she had all the reasons to be so.  
The last questions addressed more the boys and did not cause any more tears or tension.


	5. Little things that count

\- Sofia! Kevin exclaimed when he bumped into Mel again in the front of the elevator.  
\- I’m sorry, Kev! Mel let out a little laugh and gave her friend a quick hug.  
\- Why Sofia?  
\- Because it’s my real name and I blocked when Rachel, the woman who pushed me into your arms, asked me my name.  
\- I thought your real name is Eleni. That’s what Howie told me.  
\- He told you half the truth. It’s Sofia Eleni, but Eleni just sticks to people, I don’t know why. No one cares for Sofia, but me.  
\- I ’ve tried so hard to figure out from where I know, or if I know you, or with whom you look alike. It was something off about Sofia.  
\- Glad you didn’t. Jenn would have been upset. She really wanted to make you guys a surprise.  
\- Well, she did! Mel, I need to tell you something. Kevin’s tone changed to a more serious one.  
\- Don’t scare me!  
\- No, no! Nothing to be scared about. I just need to apologize to you, Kevin sighed.  
\- What? Why?  
\- Because I wasn’t more close to you. Because I was not there for you…  
\- What are you talking about?  
\- I was the big brother for everyone, but not for you. As I said today it never looked like you needed one, but that’s not true. You needed help and I should have known.  
\- Oh, my dear Kev! Remember the period after the accident and after I got home? You were the only one who found a way to me.  
\- A way? Me?! I was the only one who said you were fine and that that’s nothing wrong with you. I was so wrong!  
\- No, Kev! I mean you were kinda wrong, but you knew how to make me feel better. To make me feel alive. I will never forget our ballroom dance lessons. They helped me more than all the physiotherapy in the world. I still use dance as therapy, you know? Heal the body, heal the soul… Or those mornings when you were playing the piano and I was sleeping on the couch.  
Maybe it had been a terrible period in her life, but the nights with AJ and the mornings with Kevin were nothing but sweet memories.  
\- I woke up sleeping, Kevin said and burst into laughter.  
\- What?  
\- You said that to Nick one morning when he was so pissed off he couldn’t find you anywhere in your house. And when he saw you sleeping on my couch he just lost it and you were so confused and that’s what you told him and just turned around and got back to sleep.  
\- I don’t remember that, Mel smiled.  
\- Oh, I remember, because the lecture he gave me was one of a kind!  
\- I bet it wasn’t as bad as the one you got for taking me on a jet fighter ride.  
\- Oh, that one! That one was something else. They wanted to kill me! All of them! Looking back now it was a stupid thing to do. They were right to be mad at me.  
\- I love the fact that everyone thinks you are the mature one when you are so far from it, Mel laughed. But you did well. A panic attack is nothing. I am still not comfortable flying, but put me in a fighter jet and I’m ready to go.  
\- What did I say? You have a death wish.  
\- No, I’m just an adrenaline junkie! But what I’m trying to say is it was a good therapy. AJ and I didn’t have our best times. We were trying to keep us afloat, but our floating line was sunken.  
\- It wasn’t only the accident…You knew…  
Mel sighed.  
\- I knew before the accident that Brian is not my brother and you are not my cousin. Maybe I should have told you, all of you…I don’t know…Mel shook her head.  
\- See?! I should have known you’re not alright.  
\- Don’t blame yourself! Seriously! What’s done it’s done! And….I’m alright now, but you, you, my dear friend, you still have these four on your head. I don’t know how you cope.  
\- Why do you think I took a break? Kevin laughed.  
\- That’s exactly what I did! _If you can ignore that my break was more like a fucking magic trick. Now you see me, now you don’t…_  
\- And just like me, you couldn’t stay away.  
\- It took years and experiences, I made order in my thoughts and soul and I realized I can’t erase you from my life. _And no one can say I didn’t try…_ And that I don’t want to.  
\- Oh, Mel! You gonna make me cry again…  
\- You’re such a big baby, Mel smiled and hugged him.  
\- I’m glad you came.  
\- Me too, Mel whispered.  
Some fans were approaching and Mel let Kevin with them.


	6. A walk to remember

It was the 90s theme party and the boys were dressed up as the Spice Girls. Mel had a laugh attack when she saw them wearing high heels and dresses. She opted for a Britney Spears look, “You drive me crazy” black pants and green crop top.   
_\- Sporty brothers! _Brian said when he had seen her.  
She spent the night taking pictures with the fans and the boys, dancing and talking. Rachel has been constantly apologizing and Mel was out of ideas of how to assure her everything was fine. She had no idea when time went by, she was a little bit tipsy from all the cocktails and was ready to head back to her cabin. Nick was the last one standing.  
\- Hey, Baby Spice? Mel called him.  
Nick leaned towards her.  
\- I’m out! I’m going to bed!  
\- Wait 5 minutes. I’m coming too!  
He said goodnight to the last fans and jumped off of the stage. They started walking to their cabins.  
\- This is not our floor!  
\- No, it’s not. I have to look at the decoration for the contest and I’m not in the mood to make this on my own, so please help! Just let me get rid of these torture devices, he said and leaned on her shoulder. He took off his boots with relief.  
\- Did you train for tonight?  
\- I should have.  
\- So, what are we supposed to do?  
\- Look at them and vote for the nicest.  
\- OK, let’s get going! I really need some sleep.  
\- God, what an old poster! Nick said in front of a door.  
\- Hey, I had this one! Mel exclaimed. What a face you had, Nick!  
\- Me?! Look at AJ!  
Sometimes facing the younger version of yourself in an old poster or a photo could be funny. Other times, like this one, it was the definition of embarrassment.  
\- Hey, how come you had no poster of us when we met? Nick asked her.  
\- Oh, there’s a very easy explanation. No kid was allowed to have posters because the house had just been repainted.  
\- Lucky us! Nick laughed. It would have been awkward to see our faces and deny our identity.  
\- For God’s sake, Nick! I didn't need a poster to know who you were.  
About this time of the year, twenty-one years ago, they were just the poster boys of a regular teenager. She was a regular teenager. A few months later, on a cold winter evening, one poster boy knocked on her door and everything changed. The posters never returned on a wall and she stopped being a regular girl. Brian’s sister, Kevin’s cousin, Nick’s girlfriend_…Lies…Lies from all sides…_  
\- We were so young! Nick said looking nostalgically at another poster.  
\- I think Howie is immortal. He looks pretty much the same now.  
\- That’s what you get when you mix Irish and Puerto Rican, I guess. OMG! Look at this one!   
They both bend over to better see the picture.  
\- Is it us? Mel marveled.  
\- There aren’t many pictures like this.  
\- I don’t think they are, no. Two, maybe three award shows and some blurry paparazzi photos were all the public evidence of their former relationship. Mel never liked bringing her private life into attention, even if her private life was as public as it can be.  
They were so close their heads almost touched. She turned to him and sniffed the air around his neck.  
\- Wow, after a wild night you smell incredible good. What a change from that Nick, Mel said pointing to the photo.  
Nick let out a slightly nervous giggle.  
\- I bet you are just the same, he said and took a lock of her hair and inhaled its scent. Or not! Nick let go of her hair as he made a grimace. You smell like…   
\- The ocean? Mel laughed. Salt and wind were never my hair’s best friends.  
They both bend over to look at the picture again.  
\- We looked so sweet, Nick said.  
\- You should see us now. Pure diabetes!  
They burst into laughter and were caught off guard as the door opened. They straightened up instantly.  
\- OMG! I can’t believe it! An extremely excited voice could be heard.  
The woman who opened the door threw her arms around Nick’s neck and in a few seconds, she did the same with Mel.  
\- My all-time favorites!  
Nick and Mel looked at each other confused before Mel finally recognized the woman from the first night, the one who preferred her over Lauren.  
_\- From all the cabins on the ship, we had to stop at hers…_Well…surprise! Mel said giving her a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek.  
Nick mumbled something about a prize, but the woman didn’t seem to be interested. The prize was standing right in front of her. She confessed that she was too writing fanfics about them, in most of them they were getting back together because their relationship, at least the way she was picturing it, had made her realize that her own relationship was a really bad one. She had dumped her abusive boyfriend and she could not thank them enough for that.  
\- Oh, God! Mel muttered. She hugged her again not knowing what else to do. But I hope you don’t wait for us to get back together in order to put your life back on track, alright? She half-joked.  
\- No, no! I’m married with one child. Look! She said and she took out her phone to show them pictures with her kid and husband.  
\- OK, fine! Mel said, although no one had asked her anything. I’m gonna show you something, but you can’t tell anyone what you see. Not even to Rachel, OK?  
\- Ahm…OK…the woman agreed to something uncertain.  
Nick looked at her questioningly while she took out her phone.  
\- I guess you know Odin, Nick posts lots of pictures of him.  
\- He’s a cutie pie, she said.  
\- Thanks! So is yours.  
\- So, here they are! My babies, Cristina and Alexis, Mel said and gave her her phone. That was an absolute premiere. She had never exposed her kids to strangers, her strategy regarding her family was in total opposition with what Nick and the rest were doing. People barely knew the babies’ names, their looks were more or less a mystery.  
\- Oh my God! They are so adorable! Oh my, they have such blue eyes!  
Nick gave Mel a meaningful look.  
\- Nick, stop it! Don’t make me lecture you about genetics and how it works.  
\- You see, she had to give a lot of lectures about that because obviously she does not have blue eyes. Her husband is far away from blue too.  
Mel rolled her eyes and shook her head.  
\- Cristina looks a lot like her father, blue eyes or not, said the woman who was browsing through the pictures.  
\- She does, yeah! Mel approved. Unfortunately, her temper resembles mine.  
\- Why unfortunately? You seem a nice person. You are absolutely entitled to not speak to me, or Rachel, or Sandra…  
\- _So Sandra is the snake’s name…_Water under the bridge. You are allowed to have opinions._ It would be nice to hate me for things I’m guilty of, not for stupid reasons, tho…_Now, take advantage of this one on one encounter and ignore me, Mel smiled.  
While Nick and the woman were still chatting, she saw another pic of them on the door. She could not remember when and where was taken. They were dressed like in the video so there must have been some connection with it.  
\- Where did you get that? Mel asked her.  
All three looked at the picture Mel had pointed. From the door, some very young Mel and Nick were laughing like they had no care in the world. They seemed really happy…and somehow innocent.  
\- This? It's not really a picture. It’s a capture from a video.  
\- The making of? Nick asked.  
\- Yes.  
\- Ah, Mel said dreamily. This is how we finally made our relations public. All our relations, Mel laughed.  
\- You were just fine with the fact no one knew a thing about your existence, Nick reminded her.  
\- Why in the world we were so happy?  
\- We were probably mocking Brian. Like usual.  
Mel was not sure that was the case, but she didn’t say more. They used to love to drive him crazy with their behavior, but for some kind of reason, she could not see Brian in their smiles. She could see only them and that was weird because they had never been alone.  
-Take it! The woman said and she took the picture down.  
Mel didn’t want some photo that would hunt her from the past. Not even a happy one, but it didn’t seem nice to refuse her.  
-Thank you! She said and she just took it.

When they finally said goodbye, Nick and Mel concluded that it made no sense to look at other doors. They were heading to their cabins when Mel’s phone rang. The ship was anchored in some port for the next day early activities so the signal was finally OK. Nick heard Mel speaking in what he guessed it was Greek. Mel was totally absorbed by the conversation and Nick could not blame her. He was missing Lauren and Odin like hell.  
\- Hey, Yiannis! He shouted and Mel shushed him.  
\- I think someone wants to greet you, kale mou! No, I have a better idea than say hi from your part. She ended the call and made a video instead. Come on, Baby Spice! What were you saying? Don’t play the shy card now! She laughed.  
Nick was trying his best to hide behind Mel, but that was no easy task. He could hear Yiannis’ laugh over the phone.  
\- I don’t …I...you know, it actually makes sense, Yiannis said. Better be Spice Girls than NSync.  
\- Wow, I’m genuinely surprised that you know NSync! Mel praised her husband.  
\- I don’t. Didn’t really know who BSB were when I met you and NSync came along in my google search.  
\- Yeah, I think we deserve that. 25 years of activity and no concert in Greece. Anyway, just wanted to say hi! Nick said and waved at the cellphone. Let you two talk.  
\- Nice to..kind of see you, Yiannis laughed.  
As Mel continued the video call, Nick gently led her through the corridors. Yiannis was showing her the kids asleep in their beds and Mel turned the phone so he could see them also and his heartache at the thought of his own son. They reached Nick’s cabin and, to his surprise, Mel just followed him inside. She threw herself in an armchair, her legs landing in his bed. Nick let her talk and poured something to drink in two glasses. He gave her one and laid on the bed not carrying about his dress anymore. Only the wig ended up in a pile somewhere near the bed.


	7. The laws of kryptonite

\- You simply don’t act like a nice young lady! Mel laughed as she ended the conversation with her husband.  
Nick just make himself more comfortable, taking her legs and just lay them over his.  
\- Since when do you speak Greek? He casually asked her while his eyes were starring in his own phone. You said you never managed to learn it.  
\- Ah, I kinda learned as the kids learned it. It came in handy to understand all the languages in which they were trying to speak. And he always speaks to me in Greek when I’m away for a long time. So I thought it would be nice from my part to not only let him talk Greek, but to hear me in his language too. That is one thing I can do to make myself more present. You know how it is.  
Nick knew too well. It was that hour in the night when he missed his family the most. When the party was over and he was all by himself in his hotel room. Or in his cabin.  
\- I’ve never imagined our relationship could be a model for someone! He said.  
\- See? That’s why you should always keep the dirty details just for you, she laughed. But yes, that was truly unexpected to hear. Until now, I kinda didn’t know people still know about us.  
\- Sometimes I think fans know more about us than we do.  
\- Well, in case Alzheimer hits you, their knowledge will be bliss.  
\- You funny, he said making a face at her. But at least we did something good.  
\- You and the boys sure did. People tend to take a solid grip on music.  
\- Hmmm, was all Nick said. His attention seemed to go on the phone again.  
\- By the way, what the hell am I doing here?  
\- You just came in. I didn’t have the heart to throw you out.  
Mel gave him the eye, but Nick was not looking at her.  
\- It’s five o’clock. I see no sense in sleeping anymore…  
\- Yeah, Nick sighed absently. Look at Odin! How he sleeps. Lauren sent this yesterday.  
Mel looked at the phone and could not restrain a smile as she saw the little boy sleeping in a funny position.  
\- How do you cope with being apart? Nick asked her.  
Maybe talking to Mel about it would make it easier. His plan to not think about their absence had been dead and buried when that photo had finally uploaded.  
\- How do you do it, Mel? How do you cope with being far from them? He asked her again.  
\- Didn’t you see? I fucking learned Greek. We just try our best to be together as much as we can. In the summer it's the worst because he’s usually touring. They don’t know yet what we are doing for a living, they just know from time to time one of us is not there.  
\- They don’t need to know you’re an actress. You kept you’re word and you are their partner in crime in every life-threating activity, Nick giggled.  
\- Yeah…well…I keep them busy! I was in the mood for some race track fun with my motorcycle and I took them with me. My God! It was love at first sight, especially for my daughter. For their birthday this year, I gave them mini enduro bikes. She wanted to sleep in the garage with it. I have never seen her so excited!  
\- Don’t you wish you had some normal hobbies? Nick laughed. To keep them safe…and alive?  
\- They do boring stuff with Yiannis, Mel laughed. They are fascinated by instruments and how he can make them sound. Poor Alexis doesn’t really get that his hands are just too little yet.  
\- Fuck…I miss Odin so much! Nick sighed.  
Mel took a sip from whatever Nick poured in her glass.  
\- I thought you were not drinking anymore.  
\- It’s light champagne, chill!  
Mel shrugged. She was too tired and too tipsy from all the cocktails to give him lectures about alcohol.  
\- It suits you. Being a father and all, Mel said.  
\- Yeah, who knew? Please don’t say something about Paris Hilton, he joked making Mel laugh.  
\- I have to say I wasn’t sure my speech before Odin’s birth would make you less stressed.  
Mel was kind to put it like that, Nick thought. Stressed! He could not deny he had been stressed, nervous. But even at that point in his life he wanted an answer for their failure. And God knows Mel did not owe him any more explanations, but she still had taken the time to comfort him and talked him through his doubts.  
\- I understood one thing. And I accepted it because what else could I have done?  
\- Hmmm?  
\- You’ll always be my kryptonite! Nick said like it was the most normal thing in the world.  
Mel suddenly withdrew her legs. _Oh no! No, no, no…We can’t go back to square one…_  
Nick put his phone aside and brought back her legs on his.  
\- Let’s not exaggerate, OK? He laughed. You’ll always be my kryptonite, but now I know this and I can do something about it. And don’t get me wrong! I don’t imagine how I give up on Lauren and Odin, and you leave Yiannis. No, no! Hell no! I love Lauren and not in a million years I could imagine living apart from my son. But if you’d be some bad kryptonite, the fight I’d have to led would be a tough one.  
\- A bad kryptonite? What the hell means bad kryptonite?  
\- It’s something beyond me, Mel! When you covered my eyes on the remake, I swear an electric arc took over me. As long as you don’t get me by surprise it’s ok. Like now. Do you know why I refused to believe that you were the Black Widow?  
\- Because your kryptoradar failed you?  
\- It didn’t fail me. But your eyes were blue, your hair was different, you didn’t even have your wedding ring on.  
Mel jaw dropped.  
\- You really looked for my wedding ring?  
\- Well, you took it off! You imagined that someone could guess who you were based on it. It’s kind of special…  
Mel looked at her ring like she was not sure she would see it on its place or not. Almost three years and she was not totally accustomed with someone calling her wife. Or to wear a wedding ring, although the one she had fit her perfectly. No diamonds, white gold, a little star facing a green stone. She didn’t believe in any kind of supernatural protection, but she had found Yiannis’ explication for his choice endearing. He called her Matia, a lovely way to call a loved one which simply meant “eyes”, and that little stone was a too well-known charm against the evil eye. It was usually of blue color, but because she had a pinch of green in her eyes, her husband had chosen that color. _So I can chase away all the demons that haunt you even when I’m not near you._  
\- I just forgot to put it on. I don’t really like to shower with jewels on me.  
\- Oh…Anyway, my kryptoradar was telling me it was you, but everything else was telling me otherwise. So I just thought I was going crazy and after all, it was pretty much even for a kryptonite to act like that. But, well it wasn’t and I’m OK with it!  
\- Glad you are, ‘cause I’m not sure I am.  
\- Well, learn to live with it! Nick laughed.  
\- Hey, remember when I told you love is a choice? Mel said after a while.  
\- Yeah…It was three months before Odin’s birth. Howie, AJ and he with Lauren had visited Mel in Spain to see her and her kids. He had been confident that he won’t break down again, that everything between them was alright and he had been again wrong. At least that conversation hadn’t ended up in a fight like many others before it. Nick remembered Mel had told him something about love being a choice, but if he were to be honest, he hadn’t quite got what she had wanted to tell him with that right then. Only after his son was born he had managed to come to terms with their relationship.  
\- Oh, Mel, don’t tell me you have a kryptonite! Nick said almost amused.  
She lifted her pants a little bit and removed her right shoe and sock.  
-A tattoo?! You have a tattoo? Nick was truly shocked. Mel had never been a fan of tattoos. While she could admire them on someone else she had had no intention of getting one. Back in the days she used to draw a star on her left hand, between the thumb and the pointer finger, but that had nothing to do with tattoos. She loved stars. He had never asked her if there was a meaning behind that habit, instead he had asked her if she was thinking of getting it inked and she had said no.  
\- When did you get it?  
\- Years ago. It’s not relevant for what you want to know.  
Nick took a closer look at Mel’s tattoo. Above her ankle, five little stars were inked in what seemed a random position. Three stars, the smaller ones, were not even five-pointed shaped. Just some lines passing through the same point. He softly touched the first one and continued to move his fingers from one star to another. When he got to the last one, a bigger and secluded one, his heart skipped a bit. He looked at Mel and he looked at the unnaturally shaped star his finger was pointing. A heart and a star combined.  
\- No…he whispered. It can’t be…  
Mel ignored the sudden burn she felt under Nick’s touch and shrugged because she didn’t have a better answer.  
\- Ville? For real?!  
After all this time, saying his name out loud was still painful. For Nick, Ville had been for many years the man that had come from nowhere and had made Mel grow apart from him. Even now, when all was over, pronouncing Ville’s name brought back a shadow of jealousy and bitterness. Nick knew a little about Mel and Ville’s twisted relationship. Years ago, at his insistence, Mel had told him that their affair had never been like he has been imagining and that she had never cheated on him with Ville. Curiously, that hadn’t changed anything. He was still in need for someone to hate and blame and Ville was the only one that could take that job.  
\- Have you seen him lately?  
\- Not really. The last time I saw him was in my first month of pregnancy. I remember Yiannis didn’t know yet we were having a baby. Well, two babies, she fondly smiled. Before we met I could swear everything was over between us. That no sparkle, no desire, no electricity will come up and fill the air around us. But I was wrong. Do you wanna know how bad kryptonite can be? We have never planned our encounters. We’ve never talked on the phone. We just knew if it snowed in some unexpected place on Earth we would find each other there. Have you ever seen snow on the beach in Barcelona? ‘Cause I did! We did! And the last time we saw each other was in Athens. And yeah! It did snow even if for only one or two hours.  
\- What the hell did you do? Always kept an eye on the forecast?  
Mel forced herself to smile as a shadow of darkness flickered in her eyes.  
\- Never…  
\- I can’t believe I’m saying this, but why the hell weren’t you two together? He was your kryptonite, you were his for sure. That is love.  
\- It’s attraction, not love!  
\- It’s both! And whatever it is, what the hell went wrong?  
\- I went wrong, Mel laughed.  
\- Come on, be serious!  
\- I am. He wanted more than I could give. And when I realized that I put an end to it. I never gave him a chance and I think I really broke his heart…Mel remembered all too well the exact moment when that had happened. She hadn’t just put an end it. She had had a loaded gun and she had pointed it right at his heart. The poor man had not stood a chance and had not even known what had hit him. A cozy hotel room in Northern Italy, a howling blizzard outside. Ville was lying on the bed reading some Lord of the rings he loved so much. Mel was looking at him, she could sense the sex-filled electricity in the air, but Ville had opened his arms inviting her to just lay beside him. He had kept reading, this time out loud for her, and while his voice was sending shivers down her spine the familiarity of the scene had frozen her. So she had just said, “_We should stop seeing each other_”. She had heard his heart in his chest cracking. But he had just said ok in calmly voice and kept her reading the story until she had fallen asleep…Mel shook her head trying to chase away that memory. Anyways, why are you still interested in this story?  
\- I don’t know. Maybe because I blamed him for years for our break up and it’s nice to hear that it didn’t work for him either? He seemed to have all the things I lacked and still he failed. I can’t tell how many times I’ve watched your video and in how many ways I killed him.  
Mel giggled.  
\- That video brought me my first role.  
\- Really? That was no lesbianism in it, Nick laughed.  
\- No, but it was sensual.  
\- You two had a lot of chemistry, I can’t deny that.  
\- Yeah…we couldn’t either. We tried, you know? We tried to stay away one from another. My denial was not to make you feel better or safe. My denial was for me. I thought that if I repeated myself that nothing was happening it would just disappear. I don’t have to say that it didn’t work as planned.  
\- Yeap, he’s your kryptonite for sure! Nick concluded. Does Yiannis know about this? He asked pointing to the tattoo.  
\- Of course he does. The one who doesn’t is Ville.  
\- What’s with the alignment? Is it a constellation?  
\- Yes.  
\- But it’s not your zodiac sign.  
\- And what sign would that be, Nick?  
\- Well, it used to be Pisces, he said and let out a little laugh. When he had learned that Mel had found her real parents he had asked about her real name, but it never occurred to him to ask for her real birthday also.  
\- Funny thing, it still is! Mel laughed too. It’s not quite the day I had celebrated for years, but is close. But no, you’re right, it’s not my constellation. It’s the sign under which I was reborn. The day I woke up from coma. When I got the tattoo I had no idea I’d find my real parents, so I used that date. It was a birth after all. A rebirth.  
\- Fuck, Mel! This and AJ’s story…he shook his head trying to find his words. You were right when you said it was an awful period. I guess at some point I chose to remember only the good parts.  
\- Someone had to remember those too. Not everything was horrible, and almost certain not everything was peaches and cream. There were moments and moments…  
Nick pulled back Mel’s pants over her tattoo and took his phone again.  
\- Why don’t you make public the fact that you’ve found your parents?  
\- Because I have no right to bring them into the spotlight. They’ve suffered. Their marriage ended because they couldn’t get over my…well…my death. And my so-called death was just a mistake. It was nothing intentional in that baby switch that gave me another family. Actually I don’t know what it gave me, ‘cause I couldn’t trace the events that led me to that orphanage from where my stepparents took me as Mel. Saying to the public that I’ve found my family would start a new media storm, another _witch-hunting. Did the nurses do it on purpose, how come you didn’t question the circumstances of your baby’s death, who was the woman who took your baby, how did she ended up in that orphanage?_ I know most of the answers. It was simply a mistake, not the first, not the last. Two babies born on the same night, one died, “_oh, we are so sorry, her health started to deteriorate so fast. We couldn’t do anything_”. I don’t know who took me. I hired someone you know? After we broke up and I moved back to Romania I hired a detective and he didn’t find anything.  
\- But maybe now, that you know the hospital you can find out more.  
\- I stopped searching. I don’t care anymore! I can’t change anything. For some reason I was taken by a stranger and I ended up in the same orphanage as Brian’s little sister, who was indeed kidnapped and who died right before the adoption process ended. Because you know, my stepparents were told we were twin sisters and they wanted us both and this is another crazy story. Anyway, I need peace. They need peace. Everybody needs peace. It was damn hard for them to see each other after years of separation. My father never remarried. My mother moved to Australia, she remarried, she had kids. She thought she was not healed, but at peace at least. And I saw it in their eyes, in their attitude. They love each other so much. They were meant to be together. Let me tell you something, Nick! I was both happy and miserable that I’ve found them.  
Nick looked at her in awe over his phone.  
\- Why would you feel miserable?  
\- Because I’ve broken their fragile equilibrium. Their divorce was a mistake and because I put them face to face they’ve acknowledged it.  
Mel continued to talk about how bad she felt about her biological parents’ situation, while Nick kept his eyes on his phone.  
\- I’m talking nonsense and you don’t even follow me, she laughed.  
\- Yeah…well….I’m sorry….Oh, my God! Nick exclaimed.  
\- What is so shocking?  
\- You don’t wanna know…Nick shook his head like he couldn’t believe his eyes.  
Mel kicked his hands with her leg and Nick almost dropped his phone.  
\- Hey! He scolded her.  
\- Tell me!  
\- Oh wow! His eyes grew larger as he clearly was reading something.  
\- Nick, you’re pissing me off!  
\- I think I’ve found Brian’s story…  
\- What story?  
\- You know…the one he was talking about today, about you and him…  
\- _Shit…_Why did you search for it? You said you don’t read this kind of thing…  
\- I was intrigued! Nick defended himself.  
\- Read it to me! Mel said before she had the chance to analyze all the implications.  
\- Oh, Mel…I don’t think I can do it! Some people have a sick imagination and too much spare time.  
\- Just read! _You’re acting really stupid right now_, a little voice in her head tried to warn her.  
Nick took a sip of champagne from the glass on the bedside table, living the glass there afterward.  
\- Consider doing the same.  
Mel ignored him and Nick started reading.  
-“_Brian knew it was wrong what he was doing. How could he not know? He kept repeating that to himself every second, but most of the time her simple presence made him unable to think.He saw her after the concert as she went and hugged Nick, kissed him with passion and then looked back at him over her shoulder._  
_\- You were awesome, my love! she said still slightly turned to him as if her words were meant for both of them. She gave him a wink, then turned back to Nick and kissed him again. _  
_She was wearing a long dress, her smooth and tanned back was uncovered. Brian watched the light falling on her body and Nick’s hands caressing her with greed and felt crushed by desire and jealousy._  
_\- See you later! She said and left the room, but Brian knew she was not going to the after-party, but she was heading to his room. He should stop, but every time he closed his eyes all he could see was her soft skin, he could feel her taste on his tongue and her touch on his palms._”  
Nick paused.  
\- Are you ok? She asked her because he was not.  
Mel just gave him a sign to go on.  
-“_Brian excused himself as soon as he arrived at the after party and went to his room.  
\- I thought you’re not gonna come! He heard her in the semi dark of the room.  
\- Mel…he whispered when he felt her touch and light breath on his neck.  
\- I couldn’t take my eyes off you the whole concert.  
Brian turned to her, pushed her up against the wall and kissed her in fury._”  
\- OK, you know what? This is not you!  
\- Of course it’s not me! It’s fiction, a story!  
\- A very unconvincing one, like Brian said.  
\- Read further! Mel commanded. She didn’t have an explanation for why she wanted to see how that story went.  
\- Mel, I don’t know about you, but this reading is making me a little aroused, Nick uncomfortably laughed. It may have been unrealistic, but it was hot and Nick was a little surprised that he wasn’t more outraged about that sick pairing.  
Mel took the last sip and put the glass near Nick’s.  
\- Move over! She ordered as she jumped next to him.  
\- This is not helping!  
\- Kryptonite, non-kryptonite, I don’t care! I wanna know what I’ve been transformed into.  
Nick let her sit next to him and they both read for themselves the rest of the story.  
\- I’m not gonna lie. It’s well written.  
\- I feel so dirty…Mel shivered.  
\- You think?! You just screwed two guys! No second feelings!  
\- It could have been worse…  
Nick looked at her questioningly, because he could not see a worse development of events than what he had just read.  
\- It could have been love, not wild sex. It would have been more complicated.  
He wanted to say something, but nothing came out of his mouth. He looked at Mel trying to figure out if the crazy idea that started to shape in his mind could be true or not.  
\- That would explain a lot, he mumbled.  
\- _Tried to warn you, smartass! But no….Read it, Nick! Just read it!_ Her inner voice was mocking her now. What would explain what?  
\- You two! In love…  
\- Cut it off, Nick! Mel acted like that was the stupidest thing that had ever been said by someone.  
\- Not like in this story, God no! But think about it…all those times when Brian was playing bodyguard brother with you, with us! Your age was not his problem! I was the problem!  
\- _Fuck!_ You are drunk! Or crazy! Or both! Mel sat bolt upright. This story screwed up your mind!  
Mel turned with the intention to come down from the bed, but Nick caught her hand and stopped her.  
\- No, wait! Brian knew from the beginning you might not be his sister. Why would he have complicated the situation like this?  
Mel was torn apart. She couldn’t tell him anything and she couldn’t keep the silence either. Not anymore.  
_How the hell I got in this situation?! Just how?!…_  
\- Mel, look at me! What are you hiding? He sat up and took her head into his hands. Mel?  
\- _Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!_ Mel looked into Nick’s eyes and saw a silent pleading for honesty that deepened her battle between telling the truth or a lie. A white lie. Is it really impossible for us to sit in a room without arguing about some stupid thing?  
\- But I am not arguing with you. It’s just you are not very convincing when you tell me I’m going crazy.  
She didn’t know what to do. It would have helped if Nick had been mad. She would have stormed away from a screaming Nick with no second thoughts, but from a calm and visibly hurt Nick it was not that easy to do so.  
\- Brian didn’t speak with you for a year not because he was mad at you because you did a solo album or whatever he told you, Mel decided to tell him some truth that hopefully would divert him from that topic. Brian felt miserably because I left and he was blaming himself for your pain also. And Brian really was the one responsible for my departure, because he acted like a big brother for nothing.  
\- You knew!?  
\- I had known that I’m not his sister before the plane crashed, Mel admitted.  
\- Well, that explains your back then behavior. I’ll not ask you now why you kept lying to us, because if I remember correctly, and I think I do, you said you discovered by accident a few years prior to the scandal and you didn’t care. But that is not true. You actually reacted like a normal person. You felt betrayed and outraged! And OK, you didn’t come running to me, but you didn’t inform Brian either…why?  
\- Because I wanted to understand, Nick! _Keep it here, stupid! Really, keep it here!_ I really needed the truth. And I knew Brian would lie to me.  
\- And did you? Did you understand anything?  
Mel shook her head and Nick put his hands away.  
\- No. It took me years. Years away from you all to understand something. Brian and I had many divergences over time. The thing is we really are a dysfunctional family.  
Nick paused for a moment. He was afraid to ask her what he wanted to know and yet he heard himself saying:  
\- When did you know he was in love with you?  
\- I never said he was in love with me.  
\- You didn’t really deny it either…  
\- Nick…Mel sighed.  
\- Stop protecting me! He raised his voice a little. I’m ok! I just need to know.  
\- Let’s not rake up the past.  
\- Is it the past?  
\- _Shit!..._Mel opened her mouth to say something, but no word formed on her tongue.  
\- You serious?! Nick burst as if his question was not supposed to have an answer. Not that answer anyway.  
\- Nick, what you need to know is no one wanted to hurt anybody. But that doesn’t mean we didn’t hurt each other like hell. She was still trying to avoid an unequivocal confession.  
\- I don’t get it! If he was in love with you and he knew there was a possibility of not being related at all, why in the world he didn’t do anything? Said anything?  
\- Because you were his best friend, Nick! His little brother. And because he had no idea I could feel the same. And because ..well… Tia showed up! And Chris! And because no matter how crazy it sounds a fraternal love is better than no love.  
Nick sank into thoughts.  
\- And what about you?  
\- I…I…God, Nick! Mel covered his face with her hands. This is insane…this is so, so fucked up!  
\- You can say that again…  
Mel looked at him and decided there was no more room for lies, even if they were well intentioned.  
\- I didn’t know what I was feeling. I hated him. I really did hate him. But doing so I came to understand that I loved him in the same time. That I loved him and that I had buried all my feelings really, really deep. I wasn’t aware of this. Not until the truth came out. And I didn’t play games with you, Nick. I…I offered you all that I got. Is just I didn’t have much, because…  
\- Because it was already offered…  
\- Yeah…  
Nick let himself fall back on the bed.  
\- How could I be so blind?  
\- How could you know? I didn’t know! On the other hand, Ville knew.  
\- Ville?!  
\- When he came to our house to show us the video, that was his first impression. That Brian is not my brother and that we had a more than friends vibe too.  
Nick’s jaw dropped. How the hell could Ville sense such a thing? How come none of them had the slightest idea that something completely different from an accident post trauma was happening under their eyes?   
\- His words made me aware of the whole situation. Until then I was like in a bad dream. I was numb.  
They fell silent for a few moments.  
\- OK…I’m pretty sure you are not in love with him anymore. But what about him? And Tia? Does she know?  
\- Too many questions. Whatever I was I’m not anymore. And I can’t answer for him. Tia doesn’t know. Or she didn’t some years ago. Tia doesn’t have to know! Tia must not know! Brian was a faithful husband. Brian is a faithful husband. Chris adores him. I would not forgive myself if their relationship would end for such a stupid thing. We are over it and we suffered enough. You included.  
\- Didn’t you ever think of telling me? I craved for years for an explanation.  
\- I know, Nick. I fought so many times with Brian on this. When he wanted to tell you I didn’t. And vice-versa. But I am convinced we did well. They are your family, Nick, you know that! Years ago you wouldn’t take it so easy and there are chances this cruise would have been just a beautiful dream. A utopia.  
Mel leaned over him.  
\- Listen to me! This stays between us!  
Nick pulled her over him, forcing her to put her head on his shoulder. He felt her clenching in his arms.  
\- Relax, kryptonite!  
\- What the hell did you snort? It seems quality stuff…  
\- I didn’t take anything. I haven’t done it in years.  
\- Well, then remember me to thank Lauren because she transformed you into this amazing rational man.  
\- I’m not rational. Amazing, yes! He said and Mel giggled. It’s not easy to accept what you’ve told me. But it makes sense. For the first time, it makes sense. And it’s liberating. It really is! And I understand I am not the only one who suffered.  
\- I didn’t leave like that to hurt you. I understood only a few years ago what I did to you. To all of you…For reasons I don’t recall now, I thought no fight means no hurt also. But that’s stupid! Just stupid!  
\- But you fought with Brian…I assume he didn’t have to play some "guess what’s wrong" game with you.  
\- We didn’t have a fight. I just informed him that I was going to leave because that was not my house, not my family…_not my friends, not my life. You said a lot of untrue things too! _We really should stop reading this kind of story.  
\- Why? Do you have more secrets? He asked her slightly amused and gave her a caress on her hair.  
\- No. But this was just between Brian and me. There’re four of you left.  
\- I didn’t sleep with Howie! Nor I ever imagined such a thing!  
\- Not my business! But I would be surprised if something like this would come out. Hmmm…I wanted to say you have nothing gay in you, but you are in a dress! Mel laughed and Nick spanked her thigh.  
\- Britney, watch your mouth!  
\- And one of your boobs is trying to escape.  
Nick checked his fake boobs and mumbled something.  
\- Hey, Mel? He asked after a while.  
\- Hmm?  
\- Thanks for taking my side…  
\- On that bullshit rape accusations?  
\- Yeah…  
\- Of course I’m on your side! I mean if I had had the slightest doubt that that girl is not lying I wouldn’t have done it.  
\- You know, Nick sighed, when I heard about it I thought “_My god, Mel will step up and will accuse me that I am the kind of guy who forces women into sex_”!  
\- What the fuck, Nick? Mel sat up. Where did you get this idea?  
\- You told me this. When I came to Romania for you demanding you to come back to me…  
\- Huh?  
\- You said that I had never loved you and all I wanted was to sleep with you. And that I was kind of pushy with you…  
\- Oh God! Nick, I was talking non-sense back then. I couldn’t tell you the truth and I used everything that could resemble a reason...I’m sorry. Did you really think I would take her side?  
\- Well…I was truly hurt when you accused me of such a thing. I knew it wasn’t true. I didn’t understand why you told me that, though. I mean, we both know we never slept together. I wanted to and I made myself very clear, I know, but…and it got me thinking for a while. When this Melissa, oh the irony…you share the same name, accused me of rape, I started questioning myself. Maybe I did something wrong after all. Not rape, but…I don’t know. Have you ever felt in danger with me?  
\- What? Nick, stop! Of course not! You are a good guy. And I think I can tell the difference between a good guy and a bad one.  
Nick remained silent. Mel was trying to be funny, but what she was implying was not funny at all. He remembered all too well when Mel had confessed him that she had been assaulted when she was a kid by a boy whose parents were friends with her stepfamily.  
\- Hey, look at me! It wasn’t my intention to make you think about that incident. That boy was a very disturbed one, but my so-called mother was even worse for not taking my side.  
\- Exactly! You are rooting for the abuser in case you didn’t notice.  
\- Well, did you rape her?  
\- God no!  
\- Then I’m rooting for the victim, not for the abuser. Case closed.  
\- How did you get over it? You never talked about it. You just mention it once.  
\- I don’t talk about almost anything. I make sick movies to heal my inner demons.  
Nick started laughing.  
\- Oh, you are serious! Nick said when he saw Mel’s poker face.  
\- I am paid well and I resolve my problems. I think it’s a good deal.  
\- What problems did you solve being Black Widow?  
\- That was just fun. I need some fun too, you know? But I enjoy villains and disturbed characters. I have a very, very dark side and this is the way I keep it under control.  
\- What are you talking about? You have nothing dark in you.  
\- Just because you can’t see it, it doesn’t mean it isn’t there. Just because I deal in other ways with it, it doesn’t mean it’s not serious. Sure, I don’t overdrink, I don’t do drugs and I don’t get arrested…  
\- So, what’s left? Nick laughed. Sex and rock’n’roll?  
\- Geez, Nick! Mel hissed more because there was some truth there.  
\- Are you a serial killer?  
\- Not literally. But I tend to take young, pure hearts and burn them to ashes. You should know.  
\- I survived.  
\- Yeah, you can make a t-shirt out of it.  
\- And pillows, and pens, and cups, hats…you can make a fortune!  
\- Hey, I didn’t hurt that many people, OK? Let’s keep it real.  
\- Ok, ok, sorry! Listen. I’m going to take a shower, but you can stay if you want.  
\- No, I’ll go. I don’t have to wake up in an hour as you do, she grinned.  
Nick hit her with a pillow in her face and before she could realize what had happened he was already in the bathroom. As she was getting down from the bed she saw Nick’s phone. Unlocked. She made herself comfortable and read the story again. How could someone think about such a twisted relationship? But how far from reality was it really? If her alter ego would have existed back then…no, no! _What alter ego?_ _What Laulu has to do with this? You, Mel or Laulu, have never played someone like that! _Laulu had been born because she was afraid to face the world, she needed to regain control over her life and inventing another her, one without a complicated past, allowed her to do that. Mel was always reserved among strangers, almost cold. A lot of people described her as arrogant, but when they had the chance to know her for real they opinion changed to 180 degrees. She was not vain, she was actually quite shy and she liked to observe first, to get a glimpse of what was around her before she let herself out. Laulu, being inexistent, didn’t have that problem. There were no consequences for her acts. She could do what the hell she wanted. She could seduce anyone she fancied, or at least she could try. Meaningless one night stands with a little bit of flirting. Just for the fun of it! Mel thought that was the reason why she had never wanted to play beautiful, ravishing characters. She was playing the beautiful part every time she was out there in the spotlight, and she played the sassy girl for years. So no, Laulu had nothing to do with that twisted story! She, Mel, had nothing to do with that twisted story! She had never hurt someone just because she could. She had hurt people because she didn’t know how to love them. It took her years to learn how to give love and even more years to learn how to accept it. As a matter of fact, she was still learning. She wondered if Brian had read the same story. Were there more than one? Was he still wondering what would have been? A part of her was still hoping that he was not over her, that he was still suffering. But that part was smaller and smaller as the days went by. From the moment Yiannis had offered his embrace, she was freed from Brian. Brian was not her kryptonite. Only Ville was and it was more than enough.  
When Nick got out of the shower he was surprised to see Mel sleeping in his bed. He saw his phone in her hands and he knew what she had done. A sad smile covered his lips. He took her other shoe off and covered her with a sheet.  
\- Who knew? Brian and I share the same kryptonite…Mel didn’t give him an answer, but he didn’t need one. He knew Brian still loved her. That was the thing with Mel. It was hard to forget her. She crawled under your skin, to your brain and heart, without you really noticing it and before you knew you were hooked for life_. All these years I wanted an answer and the answer was near me…_There were no more missing pieces from the puzzle that was his past. In fact, they have always been there, but they were forced in some wrong positions. He and Brian were two pieces that had gone away one from another and now, with tonight’s confession, he felt the pieces were coming close again. He felt more connected to Brian since ages.  
He leaned and kissed her on her forehead, then he got into bed and fell asleep immediately.


	8. Waking up in the 90s

\- Nick! Nick, it’s late! Aren’t you awake?  
Brian’s voice was bugging her, especially because she didn’t understand why someone would search for Nick in her cabin. She tossed and turned, putting the pillow over her head. And then, realization hit her. She was not alone. She slowly opened her eyes, trying to think.  
\- Nick, wake up!  
The person next to her moved. She put away the pillow and suddenly she was aware of a much more frightening thing. Except for her panties, she had nothing on her. Instinctively she gathered the sheets around her, disturbing Nick, who sat up clumsily. He looked at her in awe.  
\- Why the hell are you naked?!  
Mel sat up too, her hands clinching to the sheets.  
\- Me? What about you?  
\- Nick, come on, man! Are you alive?  
Nick covered Mel’s mouth with his right hand.  
-Sssh! I’m not naked. I slept in my underwear and I still have them on as you can see.  
They looked into each other’s eyes trying to figure out what had happened.  
\- Nick, I’m gonna come in!  
Brian’s voice was full of worry.  
\- Fuck! Both muttered as the door opened.  
\- Now, this is the 90’s! Mel said and both Nick and she started to laugh. What else could they do? Brian closed the door behind him and glanced over the room. His eyes stopped at Mel’s clothes thrown near the bed and her eyes glanced to that spot too.  
\- I have no explanation for this! Mel said. What a difference from her teenage years. Back then she always found something to say.  
\- You better have one! Both of you! And not for me…  
\- Nothing happened! Nick pleaded.  
Brian looked inquiringly at Mel while she looked accusingly at Nick.  
\- Why am I the one who has to know something? You are naked in my bed, not me in yours!  
Nick’s words electrified the air around them.  
\- In 10 minutes bring your ass on the deck, OK? Brian said and left the cabin.  
\- What’s the deal? Mel asked.  
Nick just gave her a knowing look. He had no explanation either, but he had an advantage over her. He knew for sure when, where and how he had fallen asleep. She didn’t. And he could put his life at stake that if something had happened he would have remembered.  
\- Someone has been a very, very, bad kryptonite! He whispered in her ear with a big grin on his face. He gently moved his finger over her face in a meaningful caress.  
Mel knocked over his hand and he started laughing and got out of the bed.  
\- Come on! Take your sexy ass out of my cabin and let me get ready!  
\- Don’t be a dick! There is an explanation for this and when I’ll find it you’ll better watch your ass!  
Another grin appeared on Nick’s face. She stared at him impassively then she turned, letting the sheet fall down while she grabbed her clothes. She slowly put them on, ensuring that Nick was watching her. The image last night’s story had created in his mind was reviving. She heard him breathing heavily and slamming the bath door in fury behind him. She rose on her feet, put her pants on and left the room.  
_\- What the hell happened? What?_  
And why didn’t she feel guilty at all? _Maybe because nothing happened?_ Sure, being naked in another man’s bed was far from nothing. Before she could enter her cabin, Brian and Howie appeared on her way.  
\- Oh god! She said under her breath.  
\- Wow, someone partied hard! Howie said studying her from head to toes. She had forgotten her shoes in Nick’s room and she was barefoot.  
\- Someone exaggerated partying… Brian hissed.  
Mel rolled her eyes and opened the door. Brian grabbed her by her wrist and pushed her inside. Howie followed them surprised.  
\- Be careful, Brian! There is no need for this.  
\- What the hell is wrong with you two?  
\- What were you thinking, Mel? After all this time, now, this?  
\- Can you be more cryptic than this? Howie asked.  
\- Brian, I’m telling you again! Nothing happened! Even if it did happen, it’s none of your business.  
\- Wait a minute, Howie said. You are the reason Nick is not ready?  
\- No!  
\- From where I was it surely didn’t look so, Brian contradicted her.  
\- And you crashed on them like 18 years ago? Howie asked glancing his eyes from one to another. Man, this is the 90’s!  
\- That’s what I said too! Mel approved and started laughing followed by Howie.  
\- How can you laugh?  
\- Because nothing happened, Brian. What’s so hard to understand?  
\- Well, something went on because sleeping like Adam and Eve is not really what you can call „fidelity”.  
Howie gave Mel an interested look.  
\- How did he fool you?  
Mel raised an eyebrow at him.  
\- And am I supposed to believe that you are the one who took his side when we broke up? With this attitude?  
\- Exactly. I know very well how clearly you were regarding his chances. Zero was greater than them.  
\- Go and do whatever you have to do and let me sleep, OK? We’ll talk later about this, or never, cause there’s nothing to be said! Mel opened the door and invited them to get out.  
It seemed she have just closed the door when she heard a knock. She rushed to the door and opened it.  
\- Brian, I told you...Oh, it’s you!  
Nick was standing in front of her grinning and waving her shoes.  
\- You forgot these, babe!  
Mel rolled her eyes.  
\- I’m better at this game than you. Don’t play with me!  
She took her shoes from Nick’s hands.  
\- And this! He said with his smile still on his lips.  
Mel looked at the photo Nick was holding.  
-Thanks! She took the photo. I think Lauren will like it!  
-Don’t you dare...  
Mel slammed the door in his face and started laughing. She had no intention of sending that photo to Lauren no matter how innocent it was. But she really needed to call Yiannis.


	9. Whole lot of leavin'

She let the water run over her face and body, hoping that the feeling of a lukewarm touch would make her feel better. But that was impossible. _What the hell happened? Nick went to the bathroom, I do know this. I wanted to go to my room_...and blank! No idea. No flashback of anything. Her mind didn't have any trace of thoughts about sin, bad versus good, lust or anything. Her mind was empty. And that room didn't smell like sex for sure. And there was no trace of bad aftertaste that usually accompanied her in the late hours of the night or the too early hours of the mornings when she was returning back to her hotel rooms, or to the set, never home after some escapade. The taste of cheating. It didn't matter that she wasn't cheating anybody. Something in her mind or in her soul or God knows where, ‘cause she couldn't tell anymore, kept telling her that that the pleasure she had enjoyed was wrong or it was not pleasure at all. Because what she had just felt had no connection with him. Brian! He had haunted her for years. Nick was right. Brian was playing big brother with her, with them out of jealousy, but what Nick didn't know was that it wasn't necessary for Brian to act like that. It was already in her mind stopping her for finally sleep with Nick. It was that little voice that whispered her she wasn't ready for this, it was in her pull away gestures when Nick was kissing her or caressing her full of desire. And sometimes despair. And after that was in her incapacity of committing. In the pleasure she got from slamming doors giving zero lookbacks.  
When Nick had asked her why Yiannis was the one, she had wanted to scream “_Because he got Brian out of me!_” Instead, she had just told him some other good reasons why he loved him. Because she did love him.  
She turned the shower off.  
_What the hell did I do?_  
She got out and checked her phone. No missed calls, no messages.  
_ I think I did a stupid mistake coming on this cruise. I messed everything up. I.. I don't even remember. I... Please call me._  
She had sent that message over an hour ago. She was starting to panic. She couldn't sleep and she wasn't up for going on the deck either. But maybe if she acted like everything was ok, things would get ok. Just like that. She put on some short jeans, some old t-shirt and a jacket. She wrapped a headscarf around her semi-wet hair, not carrying that in half an hour it would probably look like she was the member of a hair band.  
  
It was too damn early for a drink and too late for breakfast, so she just stood there with a glass of water and a bowl of pretzels in her face. The boy at the bar probably sensed her hunger, or maybe he recognized her and was trying to be nice. She saw Rachel approaching.  
\- Shoot, not again! Mel mumbled.  
\- Morning!  
\- Please, no more apologies! Mel cried.  
Rachel started to laugh.  
\- Our little common friend told me about last night.  
\- Oh, the prize! Mel exclaimed in relief. _Damn, that was close..._  
\- Yeah. It’s weird, you know?  
\- What? Mel asked taking another pretzel from the bowl.  
\- We tend to forget that you are real people.  
Mel started to laugh.  
\- I’m serious. Even when we have the chance to meet you. I guess it’s even worse when we do. Because maybe something that you do, or say confirm us what we believe about you. But the truth is we have no idea how your lives are or how you really are.  
\- Rachel, honey, don’t we all do the same? Ok, I have no celebrity couple for whom to wish a second chance, but I can name at least 3 bands I wish they get their shit together and perform again. Oh, and I think I know what their skeletons full of dust are, but most certainly I’m dead wrong.  
Rachel smiled, half accepting what Mel was saying.  
\- So, tell me! Did you get all the boys for pictures or do you want to stick with me? Mel teased.  
\- Ok, ok, I deserve that! I’m ok. Maybe tonight. You know, when they are all groomed and fancy.  
\- Hey, kid! Mel heard Tia’s voice from behind.  
\- I’ll let you two alone, Rachel smiled and waved to them. Tia waved her back.  
\- Have fun! She said.  
\- Kid? Mel raised an eyebrow at her friend.  
\- Didn’t you look in the mirror when you got out of the cabin?  
\- Clothes straight out of the 90s. Went to my cousin’s former bedroom in Bucharest for them. I even found my old jeans and guess what. They still fit me!  
\- Did you really do the walk of shame out of Nick’s cabin? Tia asked her abruptly not giving a damn about her wardrobe.  
\- Wow, that escalated quickly! Mel apprehended.  
\- Well, did you?  
\- Brian...exaggerates things...let’s say.  
\- I know he does when it comes to you, but I didn’t ask you about what Brian thinks.  
\- Tia, you know me! Do you really think I would do something like this?  
\- No...Tia whispered looking at the floor. What the hell did you do? she burst after a moment of silence looking straight into Mel’s eyes.  
\- I have no fucking clue! Mel admitted, letting her worry come to surface.  
\- Come! Tia said. This is not something to discuss here.  
They both looked at the young man who suddenly seemed to have something to do near them. Mel got up and they headed to her cabin. She browsed again through the events of the last night, leaving aside the subjects of her conversation with Nick.  
\- I have to admit too that it’s very the 90s what happened this morning. It will be nice to keep it there, not going to early 2000, though.  
Mel sensed a tint of accusation, or maybe warning in Tia’s tone that took her aback.  
\- Not our best times, she said calmly.  
\- No, Tia continued with a serious voice that was so not hers. And you all start to act like 99 it’s not a good year to be stuck into. I’ve seen this movie before. What’s next? AJ lying drop-dead soaked in some corner? ‘Cause all the rest is in place. You tripping and not tripping over Nick’s moves towards you, Brian losing his mind over this...  
\- Why am I the only one scolded over here? Mel laughed trying to diffuse the situation.  
\- Because you're the one that left us like fucking Sambora left Bon Jovi! Tia shouted, her voice cracking under so many emotions.  
_What the fuck was that?_ Mel looked at her in awe. She never yelled. And she had never ever blamed her for anything until now. And what the hell was with that comparison? How had Sambora left his band? _Suddenly…I think suddenly is a good word…_ Why the hell did she know that? She was not really a hardcore fan. Tia was. That was Tia's all-time favorite band and if she had used it as a metaphor something was really bad. Plus, she had never heard that tone in her friend's voice.  
\- Sambora? For real?  
\- You know what I mean.  
\- I don't really!  
That man was the definition of sex, drugs, and rock’n’roll._ Wasn’t he?_ The hell was Tia saying? Plus, there was only one person in the world who had the right to be furious at her and that person was not on that damn ship.  
\- But hey, I have an idea! Mel was done being the nice girl. Why not ask Jon what the fuck he has done that made Richie take such a drastic decision, hmm? And I have no idea who Jon really is in this story, but you can take some guesses. You know, match the hair and eyes’ color. The amount of sarcasm in her voice was over the top. Bet there will be a lot of interesting answers! She didn’t even blink while she dropped the words.  
\- I don't blame you for leaving, Mel..Tia said softly after a while. You had all the right to be mad at Brian and even to leave. But I blame you for cutting all the connections, burning the bridges, closing all the doors...  
\- I'm here! So at least some fucking window I must have left opened! Mel was still annoyed.  
\- Yes. And I'm afraid you gonna burn down the entire house this time! If we had not been on a fucking ship in the middle of the ocean you would have stormed from us by now.  
\- I'm not gonna burn anything down! _I hope.._.Tia accurately described what she would have done in normal conditions. Nothing happened! _Repeating doesn't make it true, you know that, right? _Mel mentally scolded herself.  
\- It doesn't matter, don't you get it? Tia was almost crying. It's this weird game you and Brian play!  
Mel felt dizzy suddenly.  
_ Shit...Again and again shit…_  
\- And it's the same for years. You appear and sometimes from nothing he starts acting like a total idiot with you. And he's sorry you know? Every fucking time he's sorry and he doesn't tell you anything. And you don't know how to punish only him, no, you punish everyone!  
\- That is not true. I've learned from my mistakes. Tia, look... I'm..I'm sorry, ok? My actions were never supposed to hurt you. You have to know that.  
Mel had always thought that she had treated Tia fair, but now that she was thinking she could tell that was far, far away from the truth. It was nothing fair in falling in love with her husband, kissing him, or begging him to do something. It might have been fair for herself, but not for Tia.  
\- I know. I don't know why I am so buzzed over this. I haven’t seen Brian like this in years. And I just, I guess…  
\- You should start listening to the post Sambora albums, Mel said out of nothing.  
Tia remained with her mouth opened. She was not able to find the “I’m sorry” words and she was surely not able to find a response to that.  
\- They’re good. Somehow different, but good. Come on, don’t look at me like that! I know you stopped listening to them. Why can’t you be like a normal fan? You should have mourned when Jon got married, not…  
\- That bastard got married too soon! She said and started to laugh so hard that all the tension seemed to slowly vanish.  
Mel sighed in relief hearing her friend’s laugh. She was thinking about what she had told Rachel earlier. Sometimes not even the ones involved knew the whole truth and the trickiest part was that those damn skeletons were more like zombies and nobody could predict when they would start acting more alive than dead.  
There was a knock on the door and Mel went to open it.  
\- No! She just said as she saw AJ standing in front of her.  
\- I didn’t say anything! he said as he entered the cabin and closed the door behind him. He wanted to say more, instead he checked Mel from head to toes. What’s up, Bad medicine? He asked her with a cheeky smile on his lips.  
Mel rolled her eyes with a “_you can’t be serious_” look on her face, while Tia delved in another good laugh.  
\- What did I do?  
\- So which one am I? Mel asked him.  
AJ seemed to not get her question, but after a moment of incertitude he said:  
\- There is only one match for your pretty face, Princess, and you know it.  
\- Really? Maybe you should talk to Tia. She thinks otherwise.  
AJ looked at both women trying to understand what was going on.  
\- Anyway, he said when it was clear they would not tell him more, I came to ask you something.  
\- Of course you did. And you got your answer before you entered this room.  
\- Please, please, come with us at the Q&A in an hour.  
\- Are you out of your mind?  
\- Everybody keeps asking Jenn if you’ll be there. Pleaaaaaaaase!  
\- You know it’s a bad idea. Yesterday I took them by surprise. Today they will be truly prepared with questions no one wants to hear, let alone answer.  
\- They could have asked us billions times before. There’s no need for your presence. You always can say only what you want to say. You don’t need lessons from me about what you should let out about your life. And besides, they will be mostly the same questions. You now know who your fantasies are, AJ laughed.  
\- I guess it’s better than to be asked what underwear you have under the Black Widow suit.  
\- So, it’s a yes?  
\- You’ll get the bill from my agent.  
\- Living on a prayer, baby! AJ grinned.  
Mel gave him The Eye.  
\- I’m sorry! Your look…  
\- There is no look, for God’s sake! She shouted and took off the headscarf. This, Mel said waving the piece of material in front of AJ, this is just Balkan upbringing! Maybe you don’t know, but in others part of the world a draught can kill you.  
AJ and Tia started to laugh.  
\- Since when do you care? Tia asked her.  
\- I’m getting old.  
\- Said the woman who looks barely legal dressed like this, AJ mumbled.  
Mel fondly smiled.  
\- Oh, Aje!...  
\- Thanks, Princess! I mean it. Thank you for doing this for me, for us.  
\- Yeah…  
\- I have to go! Tia said looking at the phone to see the time.  
\- Hey, Tia! Mel stated as her friends were heading to the door. If I ever meet Richie, I’ll just hug him, no words needed.  
\- God help him! He has enough blondes to ruin him! Tia laughed and Mel laughed too, because that was Tia that she knew and loved. The bad mouth with no bad intentions.  
\- What are you talking about?  
\- Nevermind! Tia said quickly and pushed AJ out of the cabin.  
Mel looked at the phone hoping to see some notification, but there was nothing. Nothing! She put on some music just to fill her mind with something else and she laid on the bed. Her damn phone kept picking songs that reminded her of home and she was getting tired of hitting next.  
\- Geez, not you too! Mel exclaimed when she saw what song came up. She was about to change it, but gave up. God bless this mess, this mess is mine, she whispered along. It was a good song. She closed her eyes letting Jon’s voice put aside her worries. Jon’s voice…  
\- _I’m losing my voice, Mel! I can’t live in a lie anymore_, Brian cried at their last big fight and she couldn’t believe her ears. How did he dare? It was his choice. It had always been his choice to live like that so why would she be his savior?  
Mel smiled a little thinking that the number of bands she wanted to get over their issues just raised to four. _It would be damn funny to share the skeletons, though!_ Mel giggled, but the truth was she and Brian or Jon and Richie were equally impossible in a normal world, and yet there she was, matching some dirty fanfic.


	10. Millennium

Second Bon Jovi song in a row and Mel was convinced her phone had ears or some twisted sense of humor. _Interesting year 2013, right guys? _She had sighed in relief when the music had stopped because of Oana’s call. _How was the cruise? Fucking perfect! The time of her life! _She hadn’t told her what had happened, there was plenty of time to discuss that once the cruise was over. And maybe it would be a funny story to be told, not a „_I need a shoulder to cry on_” one. After that she had arranged her hair a little and while she was doing that, she had asked herself for the thousand time how the hell she had ended up there. She had imagined every possible way in which that trip could have gone wrong. _Fight with Brian checked, fight with Tia, not for the reasons you thought, but checked, tell Nick the truth checked, face the past a little too much checked, feel miserable for what you did checked, checked, checked!...wake up almost naked in Nick’s bed...nope, that one was not on a list! But what a check! _One more admonitory look in the mirror and then she had left the cabin.

AJ had been right. Some of the questions were nearly the same and were not addressing her at all and that, unfortunately, allowed her mind to think again and again of what she had done and of what she should do next.  
\- How do you cope with the fact that some fans seem to have a pleasure of not liking your better halves? This one goes especially for Nick and Mel.  
Mel heard Jenn talking but was as she was speaking in some totally unknown language.  
\- Why are we so special to be asked this? Nick wanted to know. Is someone mad at your husband, Mel?  
\- More like the opposite, she almost smiled. There’s this wicked conception that I’ve married down or something. I guess I could have married some prince and still there would have been disgruntled voices over my choice.  
\- Everybody hates somebody on the internet these days. It’s like fanfic! Caution! To not be read! AJ said.  
\- You two were the poster couple for our fans back in the days, that’s why the question is for you! Brian said just when Jenn was about to read the next question. You seem eager to please the nostalgics, he continued away from the mic.  
Aj put his hand on Mel’s left knee in support and slightly shook his head in disappointment.  
\- I have to admit that I was very, very surprised to discover that Nick and I are still a thing. And sometimes I read some crazy stuff about my life, but I’ve never run into this.  
\- I don’t want to say they are not real fans, Nick began. Yeah, over the time we made stupid mistakes, I surely did a lot of them, and I’m pretty sure no one from outside approved my behavior. Hell, I’m the first one to smack into senses the 20 something old me. If you don’t like my wife that’s ok! You don’t have to live with her. I do! And I Iove every minute!  
\- Nick, slow down! I have to write that masterpiece! Howie joked to lighten a bit the atmosphere.  
\- Hmm...another serious question! Who has the biggest package?  
\- Wow, that went down fast! Mel said. Me! Pick me! She shouted and everybody laughed.  
\- You heard her! AJ said, happy that he was not once again forced to come up with a decent answer.  
\- Do you have a list? What is it?  
\- A what? Kevin asked.  
\- Ah...list as in a freebie list? Mel asked.  
\- What the heck is a freebie list? Kevin continued.  
\- You know. 1 or 3 or 5, or any other prime number I think, of people you are allowed to sleep with. Celebrities.  
\- Ah, a hall pass! Nick said. Let’s see! Who do I find sexy these days?  
\- How many passes do you have, Nick? Brian hissed.  
\- Let me tell you a story, Mel interfered. A few months ago a woman came to me and without a hello or anything she told me „You are my husband’s hall pass!”. She was not happy about that and she didn’t want to make me feel good. No, she was like, „You fucking whore, you ruin peoples’ marriages!” Mel laughed.  
\- And what did you do? AJ asked her.  
\- I told her to not worry cause he’s not on my list!  
\- A good come back! But who’s on your list? Aj grinned.  
\- I don’t really have a list, but just to give an answer now...there’s a Spanish singer... Alejandro Sanz, do you know him? Some yoohoos were heard from the public. My girls!  
\- Blonde, blue eyes, saving the world? Nick giggled.  
\- No, Mel shook her head. Almost grey now, black and the most roguish smile ever.  
\- A bad boy? AJ teased.  
\- A good bad boy, Mel laughed. Who’s yours?  
\- Shania Twain.  
\- If you had to swipe your wives who would you choose?  
\- Damn! Mel hissed.  
\- Howie’s! And I will not say more! Nick said leaving Howie speechless for a moment.  
\- Kevin’s. I even told him that, Howie said.  
\- Yeah, you did! A good wake up call!  
\- I’d choose Kristin too, Mel laughed.  
\- Excuse me, AJ played the upset card. What does Kristin have and the rest don’t?  
\- Well, Tia is too much of a friend to think of her like that. Don’t get me wrong, all of them are fine women. Rochelle is a sweetheart, she would be my next choice, you know, if Kristin doesn’t want me!  
\- You have a more twisted mind than AJ and that is hard to beat, Howie said.  
\- What’s your favorite position? Jenn skipped to the next question.  
\- I will not answer that, Brian whimpered in the mic.  
\- CEO! Mel said making the boys laugh. Come on, really? From all the questions you could address you wasted your shot with this one?  
\- What would you ask us? Kevin smiled at her.  
\- What made you to not lose yourself over the years? Especially Nick who grew up in public. How did you feel when you realized your music touches people? Do you feel different when you play a song that you wrote? And so on...  
\- These are some good questions.  
\- Do you want me to take you an interview? Mel giggled.  
\- If you could go back in the past would you change anything and why? Jenn cut them off.  
\- No, not really. Everything I’ve been through made me what I am today, Nick answered.  
\- Yeah, I wouldn’t change anything either, AJ confirmed.  
\- Really? Nothing? Not even a small thing like I don’t know, drink just a glass of wine instead of two, smile at someone on the street, take a trip to some warm place in the winter, not open the door when someone’s knocking...  
Brian turned his head slowly to her. He deserved that, he was aware, but that didn’t make him feel better. The image of a young Mel standing in front of him on a cold day was still hunting him today and he couldn’t imagine his life without that ghost.  
\- I would change. I would not go on that plane if I had the chance. Or at least I would make my agent and friend stay at the ground.  
\- Oh, Mel! AJ put his hand around her shoulders and she squeezed it with her free hand in a sign of appreciation.  
\- Mel, were you mad at Nick for his book?  
\- Huh? I didn’t even read it. Sorry, Nick! Mel laughed.  
Nick just waved his hand in a gesture that said „no worries”.  
\- Correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think you wrote that book to make a list of women in your life.  
Her phone vibrated in her pocket interrupting her thoughts for a second.  
\- _Concentrate!_ It’s true that we have different approaches regarding our private lives, but I am part of their private and public lives too and that means if any of them decides to write a book of memories, chances are I would be in it. And even if...  
Another short vibration indicating a new message accelerated her pulse.  
-...we have different views over the same events. It’s normal! Again, I haven’t read the book...Is it bad? Mel childishly smiled at Nick and took her phone out.  
\- No...I don’t know why would anyone be mad at that book. There was no revenge in it towards anyone.  
_\- MEL..._  
_\- WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE?_  
Mel looked at the screen and her breath halted for a few seconds. Her vision blurred and she hoped those letters would rearrange in some other words, but nothing happened.  
-.....was all that she could write back.  
\- Anyway, I don’t really get this question...Nick continued. He hadn’t told much about their breakup in his book. There was no reason to say something about Ville, there were only his suspicions at that moment. And he had decided that was better for everyone that he would not accurately describe the way Mel had left and now he congratulated himself for doing so.  
\- What was the most unexpected band or artist in your playlist back in the days? Jenn moved on. Unexpected from other’s points of view.  
\- Oh...Come on, boys! Let me hear you! Mel forced a laugh. None of them had been too happy when she had appeared in Ville’s video, but only Nick had been vocal about it.  
AJ looked at her completely unaware of the answer she wanted to hear.  
\- I will answer for myself, although I know very well what your sly smile is telling us! Nick said. It was Nirvana for me.  
\- Wait...So while I was getting an earful for my rock band, you were allowed to have one in your playlist?  
\- Oh...that band, AJ finally got it.  
\- Nirvana is not rock, is grunge, Nick laughed.  
\- Whatever...  
\- HIM, cause that’s the band they are fighting over, Howie said, was not the most unexpected band on your playlist. Black Sabbath was!  
\- How the heck do you know that?  
\- I’ve browsed through your playlist once and it shocked me.  
\- Black Sabbath, Mel? Really? Nick threw her an amused look.  
\- I have a name for you, Nick! Don’t make me say it!  
\- A name?  
\- This one here, Mel pointed to Brian, dreamed of Pamela Anderson and you befriended her husband...ex-husband...whatever he was.  
\- Oh...Tommy...Nick smirked. From all their childish reasons to fight, rock music had been the most fervent. _It was not the music, the chosen ones to represent that music were the problem._ _You’ve been right about Ville after all, and she’s been right about Tommy, _Nick thought.  
\- Maybe I should have had Mötley Crüe in my playlist, Mel said sarcastically.  
\- That would have been damn interesting, AJ said more for himself. He remembered Mel’s face when Nick had brought Tommy for the first time to their place. She had despised him from the first moment. Or maybe not him completely, but for sure she hadn’t liked the look he had given her. _My God, Aje, he has just raped me with his stare! Mel had shivered in disgust. Yeah, and you’ve just cut his balls off in the middle of it! He had laughed_. Judging from her tone her impressions on him haven’t changed over the years. But what if her impressions would have been different?  
\- Hey, you two! This feud is set in the 2000s, Howie laughed. Stop it!  
\- This is getting creepy, Kevin apprehended.  
Mel’s phone came back to life again and she gave it a quick look.  
_\- Don’t tell me you woke up naked in someone’s bed..._  
_\- How the fuck?!_ Mel couldn’t follow anymore whatever the boys were saying.  
_\- Oh...no...Nick’s? _was the line that followed her silence.  
_\- Shit!..._  
She sat up and left the scene with no words, immediately calling her husband.  
\- Early 2000 it is! Brian mumbled.  
AJ leaned towards him.  
\- Just so you know, you’re being a dick right now...He whispered in his ear.  
Brian didn’t turn to face him. He just sighed and let his shoulders down like he had lost a battle. He always did that. He always found the most inventive ways to hurt her.  
AJ looked after Mel and she saw her leaned on a wall. _Was she crying? Or was she laughing? _He could not tell from that distance.


	11. Brothers in arms

\- Brian, let’s stop this charade!   
Nick bumped into his friend on the hallways and decided that enough was enough. He had had his share of fun for the whole day, especially from the moment Mel had told him what the hell had happened in his cabin. Although she hadn’t been too enthusiastic about his idea, Mel had let him have a little fun on Brian.   
\- Mel has elucidated the mystery anyway and it’s not entertaining anymore.  
\- Mystery? Brian ironically asked him. For him, there was no mystery, just a mistake. A big one.  
\- You may not believe me and it’s obvious you don’t, but she had all her clothes on when I fell asleep.  
\- Yeah? And how the hell did she end up in your cabin?  
\- On her own feet, Nick laughed and Brian rolled his eyes annoyed by the superficiality of his younger friend. OK, OK…Nick calmed Brian down. We left together from the party, we voted for the decorations, I shocked Yiannis with my outfit, we talked, I went to take a shower, she was supposed to go to her cabin and well…she didn’t. She fell asleep.  
\- Go on…  
\- She has this peculiarity…She gets rid of her clothes in her sleep if she feels uncomfortable. And she didn’t realize where she was…  
\- Huh?  
\- Yiannis resolved this clothes-quest.  
\- Wait, what? Yiannis?! Did she tell him?  
\- Yeap! And he cried with laughter at her. She had no idea how to describe to him what she assumed it happened and that bastard was laughing his ass off. He caught her on many occasions doing this, especially when she’s tired and falls asleep in unusual places and wearing her day clothes. She has never panicked that her go-to-bed outfit was different from get-out-of-the-bed one because she was on her own or with him. Logic, right?  
\- You want me to believe this nonsense?  
\- Who the hell could make up such a story, man? And trust me, this is far, far away from how I’d have behaved if something had happened.  
\- So I guess you haven’t told Lauren…  
\- Are you out of your mind? I like my body as it is. Whole!  
Brian had to agree with him on that one. Lauren would not have been so understanding. No one he knew would have been.  
\- I have to say, I envy Mel’s relationship with her husband. It’s…something else…  
\- Yeah…Brian sighed.   
\- You can admit it now. The scene was the definition of the late 90s.  
\- It was…Brian ghostly smiled.  
He wanted to formulate some apologies, but an almost imperceptible tremor in Nick’s eyes stopped him. He opened his mouth in vain multiple times before Nick put an end to his struggle.  
\- It’s OK, Brian! I know…  
There was something in those words that sent a shiver down Brian’s spine. What was Nick saying? _That he knows you’re sorry and you are lousy at telling it, clearly…_  
\- It’s OK, Nick repeated and held Brian’s gaze.   
\- What?… Brian fought to say.   
Nick didn’t say more. He didn’t know what other words to use to tell what he wanted, so he remained silent and tried to communicate wordlessly what he had to. There was a time when words were not so necessary between them so maybe some of that connection was still left in them.   
\- I’m so sorry! Brian suddenly said and caught Nick into a strong embrace.   
The younger man stood still for a moment, his arms awkwardly dangling on his sides before he understood that just like himself, Brian was trying to say more with common phrases. Eventually, he responded to his brother’s gesture.  
\- It’s ok…he reassured him and squeezed him harder.   
They both had tears in their eyes when they broke their hold.  
\- Let’s go inside, Nick said and invited Brian into his cabin.  
\- How…was all that Brian could articulate when he closed the door behind him. The fact that Nick knew the truth was almost surreal and he could not grasp it entirely. He was afraid that he had caught it all wrong as much as he was afraid that he hadn’t done it so.  
Nick took a seat on the bed, while Brian remained at the door leaning on it.  
\- What you said about the fanfic involving you and Mel…  
\- Shit…Brian murmured. Why didn’t he keep his mouth shut? Why did he feel the need to let everyone know that something so wrong was a product of someone’s imagination? _So wrong, but true…_  
\- It got me intrigued so I did a little research. And I’ve found one. We both read it and one remark led to another and …it hit me. I gave her no choice. She had to tell me.  
Brian shook his head.  
\- I’m so, so sorry! I’ve never meant to hurt you! None of you!  
His voice was more than shaky. Good thing they didn’t have anymore singing planned for the next days.  
\- Tell me!  
\- What?  
\- All…  
\- Nick…Brian cried, almost pleading to not be put through something like that.  
\- I know you’re still in love with her…Nick didn’t want to sound accusing, but at best he sounded patronizing.   
Brian squeezed his eyes shut. He was not able to look at him.  
\- Listen, Nick said and came near him, put his hands on Brian’s shoulders and gently rocked him, causing the older man to open his eyes. We are both in this! There’s no one out there who can understand you better than me. There’s no one out there with whom we can talk. I’m your only chance of redemption!  
\- I don’t think I deserve redemption, Nick…Brian whispered and ducked his head.  
\- Why are you saying this?  
\- Because…I’m gonna tell the whole story and you can have your own conclusions.   
\- OK…Nick let him free and went back to his previous position.  
\- Do you remember why you and Howie had to come after me in Bucharest when I first went there?  
\- Because you said you didn’t like it there and you didn’t want to be alone in a hotel room? Nick tried to remember the past events. You said you didn’t sign up to babysit your younger, annoying and unknown relatives. Or something like that…  
\- I liked her from the moment she opened the door for me. And that scared the shit out of me because it was so, so wrong. She was my cousin, she was 13 years old, for Pete’s sake…13…She made me feel like a perv! I still feel like one sometimes…I’m not some rockstar with vague morals who cannot tell wrong from right. I’m not! I knew what I was feeling was wrong, but I knew also I didn’t have the power to fight against my feelings. So I called for help and you know how that went. Soap operas have nothing on us! In one year things got really tangled and complicated…I let myself blinded by the fact she knew my sister’s song, by my sister’s necklace hanging on her neck, by my need to feel her close to me…Of course I knew there were chances she would not be my Mel, but I wanted my sister back and I wanted to be her savior. That is how I pictured myself. As her savior! Stupid, huh? She might have had a bad relationship with her stepparents, but her step-uncle never acted like she was not family. She would have been just fine with him, his wife and kids.  
Nick had never thought about that. Even when he had learned at the same time with the whole world that Brian and Mel were not brothers, he had not thought that Mel would have been better in Romania. That she was not abandoned. How had Mark, her step-uncle, felt when Mel had returned to him with his mind and soul crushed? Because he had made the same mistake as Brian. He had genuinely thought that Mel would be better in America, far away from those who had hurt her.  
\- For a while, it seemed that everything was falling into places. You liked her, she liked you, Tia came into my life, Chris was born... I’ve never played Tia. I do love her. She..she completes me! I knew that then, I know it now. Most of the time I know it...I was living under the impression things were as good as they could be. When Tia avoided that plane by the skin of her teeth…  
-_ That was my plane, Bri…Am I dead?_ Tia had asked in absolute shock, one that would not recede for the next few years. If she hadn’t decided at the last minute to stay one more day with him, she would have been another victim of 9/11. He would have lost her.  
Brian shook his head at the memory.   
\- I was …I was numb for a while. I kept imagining how I’d feel if I lost one of you. My imagination didn’t help much when Mel’s accident happened. AJ went to her and told her a story, but I was there day by day and implored God and her to wake up so I could tell her how much I love her. I would have given everything! Brian closed his fingers into fists and shuddered at the memory of those days.  
Nick had to wipe off his tears. They had gone through that together and yet it was damn hard to listen now to Brian’s perspective on those events.  
\- I knew that if she hadn’t woken up, I would not have been whole…normal…again. I could feel it in any fiber of my body that I won’t be able to live without her. That my heart would stop in the exact moment hers would stop. In my good moments, when hope found its way in my mind, I was vowing to myself that I’d tell her. That I’d tell her everything! But I was a coward!  
Brian hit the door with his fists, causing Nick to wince.  
\- I backed off because I didn’t know how she was going to react. And because I wasn’t so disposed to lose what I had after all. Fucking coward!…  
Brian hit the door again, with his head this time.  
\- So many promises made in vain...When Mel came out of the hospital..You know how things were. Bad times didn’t knock at our door. They rushed inside with no warnings. The accident was her least problem. She…  
\- She wanted to understand, Nick said.  
-Yeah…There were many questions and no shrink would’ve been able to provide an answer for her. It didn’t matter how much we insisted and it didn’t matter how good the doctor would’ve been. I had the answers. And I was refusing to offer them to her. I was in a constant denial that I was the one who was putting her through that hell, Brian slowly shook his head. It was a few days after that monstrous party we held. How in the world did we think a party would make her feel better?  
\- I don’t know…Nick smiled a little because that had been a dumb idea. Mel was not the kind of person who got her energy from others. More like the opposite. She was the one animating others and when she was running out of fuel all she needed was to be left undisturbed. That party had been a fiasco. Too many people, too diverse, too loud, too…everything.   
\- _How am I supposed to feel when you get overexcited for a stranger and you act like you’ve been sentenced to death when I try to cheer you up? _  
Ville had left their house for almost two weeks already and Mel had returned to her usual state. She was again apathetic like a ghost of herself.  
\- _I don’t need to be cheered up, Nick! All I want is to be left alone._  
\- _You can sleep tomorrow all day. That’s what you do anyway! But now you’ll put on your shiny, sparkly dress I bought for you and you’ll walk out of the room with a smile on your pretty face. _  
\- _And who’s gonna feel better if I do that? Me or you? _  
He had hated the tone of her voice, he had hated the superior smirk on her lips, but most of all he had hated himself because he was not able to reach her anymore. He had slammed the door and had gone to welcome the guests, acting like his life was not falling apart. Mel had come down eventually, looking absolutely ravishing in that dress, but had not been so willing to put on a my-life-is-perfect scene.   
\- _Better?_ She ironically had asked him knowing he’d not be able to say a word.  
\- _Better?!_ Tommy had stepped in. _You’re the pure definition of hotness_, he had cajoled Mel._ Can we offer you something to drink?_  
She could have said she’s not allowed to drink, she was an underage girl recently recovered from an almost unexplainable coma, after all, she could have simply refused. Instead, she had managed to find some words that seemed inoffensive, but they weren’t.   
\- _Sorry guys, I’m more a guitar girl than a drums one…_  
Nick hadn’t known how flirty and sarcastic could exist at the same time in someone’s tone, but Mel had delivered just that.   
-_ Feisty!_ Tommy had grinned.  
\- _Rude_! He had said as he watched Mel going straight to AJ. She had slipped her arm on his waist and had leaned her head to whisper him something that would forever remain unknown for the rest of the world.  
\- _Nah, I’ll go with feisty!_  
How come he had been jealous at AJ, at Ville who was not even there, but not at the man who was drooling over her with no shame? And how come it took him 15 years to realize the said guitar was a metaphor for his best friend, not a malicious reference to ex-wives?  
\- Anyway, Brian’s voice woke him up from the reverie, I don’t know if that party gave her the needed push, or it was just a coincidence, but she came to my side of the house a few days after when she knew Tia and Chris were out. I still remember the dialogue like it happened yesterday. I’ve played it and replayed it in my head millions of times, wondering what it would’ve been different if I hadn’t said one word or another. And for what? I never did a thing to repair the damage I alone created.   
Nick perceived the self-accusatory tone in Brian’s trembling voice and swallowed against the lump in his throat.  
-“_Don’t call me Mel. I’m not her._” The words come out from my worst nightmare. I tried to act like I didn’t know what she was talking about. “_Your Mel is dead._” There was no ambiguity, only fury and the desire to punish me. I can’t blame her…I brought her to America on the premise of a lie. She had all the right to be mad at me. What I didn’t know and I was about to learn was that I wasn’t the only one who had been struck by what we can name “inappropriate love”.  
\- Stop saying that…Nick muttered.  
\- She was my little sister! Brian outburst with all the shame and guilt a man could feel filling his words.  
\- She was not!  
\- She was my best friend’s girl!   
\- So what? Nick angrily cut him off and rose to standing. It was misfortuned, not inappropriate!  
He didn’t know why that word was getting on his nerves. It was, after all, kind of inappropriate, but that would throw them in a dirty love affair and what he was still feeling for Mel and for Brian was not like that. He didn’t want to stain something so dear to him.  
\- She kissed me, Nick…Brian whimpered.  
The younger man stopped on his tracks and clenched his teeth. He knew something like this had to come up at some point and yet he was taken aback by the uninvited tingle of jealousy that rang inside him.  
\- And in that moment words became unnecessary for us. Something that should have been so wrong, felt too damn right. How the hell did it feel right?! Why did it feel right?!  
Nick didn’t know if Brian was expecting an answer from him or he was rhetorically arguing fate, so he chose to remain silent.  
\- She left me in pieces and on my knees and for the next two years I chose to believe in her brave exit from that room. It had been brave, but it turned out to be fake also! It was not only punishment in her leaving. It gave me a choice, one she hadn’t had. I could have gone after her, but I didn’t. You did! I lied to you, you know?  
\- Hmmm?  
\- I told you she was at Mark and that she only needed some time off and that maybe it would be better to leave her a couple of weeks alone. I have no idea where she went to right after she left from here. Oana didn’t answer her phone either so I just assume they were together…somewhere.  
Nick closed his eyes and tried to ignore that stubborn tingle of jealousy that was messing with him. He didn’t need to be told then and he didn’t need to be told now. On those days, in some part of the world it had snowed. He had no doubt about it.  
\- What kind of man is not worried sick when someone dear is gone missing?  
\- But she told you she’s going to Romania, didn’t she?  
\- I assumed. I talked to Mark, he told me she’s fine, but not there. Maybe he lied to stop us from going there…  
\- Yeah, maybe.  
There was no point in telling him he had a hunch not where she had been, but with whom.  
\- But he didn’t stop you. You were determined to get her back, a determination I lacked, although months before I was about to implore invented gods to save her. I didn’t go after her and I convinced myself I did the right thing. When she first returned to us, Brian tried to speak but choked and had to take in a few breaths before he continued, when she came for Chris’ birthday…I was a coward again. No, I was worse than a coward! I was cruel! She implored me to do something, she implored me to choose her, for once to choose her, and I looked her in the eyes and I lied to her. I told her I’ve learned how to love her as a sibling and that she should do the same with me. What kind of nonsense is this?! Brian cried and let his body trickle down against the door as if the weight of those memories was too heavy for him to hold. He squatted there and looked up to Nick with teary eyes. Tell me! What kind of person shatters the loved one so bad on so many occasions?  
\- Bri…Nick sighed because he didn’t know what to answer. He had been hurt by the shrapnel Mel’s way of loving had been transformed into. And he was not the only one. She had used Chris’ birthday as a pretext to come there, but the real reason was unexpected snow was not enough. _Poor bastard…_For the first time in his life, he didn’t feel the shadow of jealousy blackening his heart. Moreover, something that looked a lot like compassion took its place.  
\- I broke her! And I broke you too! Brian covered his face with his palms.  
Nick couldn’t argue with that. Mel had left him and his best friend had grown colder and colder as the days went by, ‘till the point they weren’t speaking anymore. The two persons he could confide in were no longer near him and he had no explanation.   
\- My little brother…I threw you in hell and watched you burn. That’s what I did!  
\- I needed you so bad…Nick confessed. One of you at least…  
He let the tears for the lost boy he had been roll down on his cheeks with no intention to stop or wipe them.  
\- I know, Brian muttered. I know…and I’m sorry! I’m really sorry that I’ve pushed you away when you needed me the most. I was a jerk already, I didn’t want to be a fraud too. I was the reason she had left, how could I be around you pretending I was not?  
\- You used a lousy excuse! Nick snorted.  
\- Believe me, I know!  
\- Mad about a solo album…Nick almost managed to let out a little laugh.  
\- I was amazed you fell for my bad acting.  
\- You gave me no choice. You didn’t want to talk to me.  
Nick came a little closer and sat on the floor in front of Brian.  
\- Why didn’t you tell me? We would’ve been in the exact places where we already were, but for a real cause.  
\- She didn’t want to. You see, she didn’t want to tell the truth because she didn’t want you to suffer more and I complied because I didn’t want you to hate me. It was…convenient.  
\- Convenient?! You were not talking to me!!! My best friend was not talking to me! Nick lost his temper for the first time.  
\- I told you I don’t deserve redemption.   
Nick leaned on his back until he touched the frame of the bed. He let his head loll against the mattress and took a deep breath to calm himself. _This cruise would have been just a beautiful dream…_Mel’s words came to his mind.  
\- As long as the truth was known only by me and Mel, I still had a sister and I still had a friend…They were far away from me, but I still had them…  
Nick lifted his head to look at Brian. He seemed so small and helpless and it broke his heart.  
\- Jesus, Bri…  
He felt a scorching heat pressing in his lungs and a new wave of tears invaded his eyes.  
\- Egoist, Brian shook his head. A fucking egoist!  
Nick was about to tell him to stop with that self-flagellation when they heard knocks on the door.  
\- Nick, you there? Mel’s voice came behind the door and they both stood up before she entered the cabin.


	12. It's hard letting go

\- Hey, why did you…Oh no! She hissed when she saw the two men and realized they both have been crying. What the hell did you do?  
\- Nothing…I…Nick mumbled.  
\- What kind of sick ambush is this? She asked visibly annoyed. She cautiously took a step back as if it could save her from being dragged in the drama that was unfolding there.  
\- Mel, please don’t go! Nick pleaded. He reached for her hand but in the end he didn’t grab it. We were just talking…  
\- Yeah, I can totally see that! She darted back and forth between them before she fixed her eyes on Brian. How far along are you with the talking? At what interesting episode did you stop?  
\- Spain, Brian whispered not daring to look at her.  
\- Spain? You gonna love this one, Nick! She ironically said. Masterpiece! Go on, Brian! She falsely encouraged him.  
\- I’m sorry, Mel! I’m so, so sorry…  
\- You’re sorry? For what?  
\- For everything I did to you…  
\- You must be kidding me! She said after she took her time to ponder over Brian’s words. Do you think I can wipe out so many years of misery with a lousy “I’m sorry” and some tears?!   
The irony and sarcasm were still the main ingredients in her voice, but among them, bitterness and hurt had infiltrated. She didn’t want to cause a scene bigger than it already was, but she could not control that part of her that ached to let out all the anger and that had been reduced to silence too many times over the years. She was damn good at pretending she was over all that mess when she was the one conducting hostilities. Right now she was trapped into a war scene and no notice came beforehand.   
\- I don’t expect forgiveness, I just want you to know that I’m sorry…  
\- You can take your sorry and shove it up your ass!  
There had been a time when a simple apology would have worked because she would have imagined he was sorry for the right things. Over the years she came to understand that Brian was always one step behind with understanding what he was supposed to do. She didn’t need his sorry if he didn’t know for what it should be.   
\- Mel, come on…Nick almost begged her.  
\- What, Nick?! What? What did you expect when you texted me to come here? Did you think we were going to say a prayer and miraculously everybody would be OK? We were gonna pat ourselves on the back and raise an “Amen” and congratulate you on an awesome idea?   
Nick opened his mouth to respond although he didn’t know exactly what his words should be. Mel, on the other hand, had all the words she needed.  
\- Tell him, Brian! Tell him how you came to my house and made me responsible for your voice problems!  
\- What?… Nick mumbled.  
\- Tell him how you wanted to throw away what everybody else was ere trying to repair, just because this time you were the one suffering! You came to me when you were in need! “_I’m losing my voice, Mel!_” she mimicked him. Your voice…when I was the one who had lost herself again and again because of you!  
\- Is this true? Nick asked Brian not wanting to believe his friend could accuse her of something that it was beyond anyone’s power.  
\- I did come to you when I was in need, but I’ve never blamed you for my problems…  
\- It looked a lot like blaming from where I was standing!  
\- I didn’t, Mel.   
It was for the first time when Brian moved his eyes from the floor to her face.   
\- You have to believe me…  
\- Why would I do that? She asked him with a calmer tone. You are one hell of a liar after all.  
He looked sincere, his tears seemed real, but again, she had never been an expert in deciphering his true feelings.   
\- Mel, he’s…  
\- That’s ok, Nick. I deserve it!   
\- You sure do!   
\- Why are you so fired up? Yesterday you were pleading for understanding and peace and now you want his head on a plate!  
\- And why don’t you? Mel tempestuously turned, her hair and dress swinging from the sudden movement. You have all the right to be furious, to be mad at him! At me!  
\- Because I don’t want to lose any of you again! I did it once and it was horrible, so excuse me if I don’t want to replay that scenario!  
\- _Shit…_You don’t deserve the friends you have, Brian. But that’s ok, she said after a short pause, I don’t deserve them either.  
\- Don’t say that…Nick murmured. Never say that!  
\- I did screw up a good part of your life…  
\- I put a lot of effort too, don’t take all the credit.  
Mel almost let herself smile.  
\- Look, you were right. We didn’t want to hurt each other, but we did. We all have to acknowledge this and move forward.  
He reached for her hand and this time he didn’t stop before grabbing it. Mel looked down at their joined hands and pulled out from the hold in no time.  
\- No! This all-zen-bullshit-social-game-therapy-how-the-fuck-do-you-wanna-call-it is not working for me! I don’t want to hold hands and say three things I’m grateful for! This is stupid!  
\- We have to start somewhere…  
\- Don’t fight because of me! Brian interrupted them. Mel, I know you hate me…  
\- I don’t hate you, you idiot! She said and turned to him. If you hadn’t been so self-absorbed you’d have noticed I stopped hating you a long time ago. It took me more to stop loving you!  
Brian seemed he was about to crumble under Mel’s confession.  
\- Mely…he said in a hoarse voice.  
\- Don’t call me like that! she apprised him.  
She fixed her eyes on his and came closer. Brian instinctively took a step back, his heels hitting the door. His hands groped for a second behind him like he was not sure the door was really there and would support him. When he felt the hard material under his palms, he let himself lean on it. It crossed Nick’s mind to interpose himself between them, but his body didn’t respond to the first command to move so he just remained there, witness of a disproportionate fight. Brian was already down and Mel didn’t look merciful. A part of him, the one that held his body pinned away from them, was glad she was not calm because deep down he was not fine with all the things he had learned in the past few hours.  
\- I’m sorry is all I have, Brian babbled.  
\- For what, Brian? For what are you sorry? Mel looked down at him. On her high heels, she was clearly taller than him.  
\- I’m sorry I never had the guts to choose you…  
\- Unbelievable! She nervously laughed. You’re sorry for the only thing you shouldn’t be!  
\- What? Brian whispered.  
\- We were not made to be together, if such a thing even exists! Tia was always the one for you and you were right to choose her. But it would have been so much better if you had told me the fucking truth when I came to you. “Mel, I love you, but I can’t do this!” So simple! I would still have been hurt, but for God’s sake, I wouldn’t have tried in vain to see you as my brother. I couldn’t do that when I didn’t know you weren’t, how the fuck did you think I’d be able to consider you my brother when I knew for sure there was no blood connection? Hmmm? Do all of us a favor, Brian! Grow a pair and be the man Tia thinks she has!   
Mel’s right hand flew right over Brian’s head before hitting the door.  
\- Why the hell did you act like a douche all day? What excuse can you possibly have for this? Do you even know how much you’re hurting her when you act like this?   
\- Mel, enough! Nick stepped in. This is between us.  
\- Unfortunately it’s not.   
\- I never knew how to keep you secret, Mel…  
So he did everything he could think of to keep her at distance and close at the same time. Most of the time that resumed to act like an idiot. And in the end, it came to shut his voice down. For real.  
\- I’m not your secret anymore, Brian.   
She was still dangerously close to Brian, but she lost the menacing attitude. She was the one who had asked Brian to not tell a word about anything and he had complied, partially because he too believed that was the lesser evil, partially because he knew that was the only thing he would ever do for her. Brian didn’t have to blame her for his voice problems, she really was. As long as he believed there was still something to be told, he’d remain stuck. And what was the point? Picking old wounds, even healed ones, was meaningless and harmful. Making them bleed was not the closure she needed. Keeping Brian a prisoner of a lie was clearly not a closure. That anger that fueled her was not caused by him anymore. She was mad at her.  
\- But I still love you…Brian sounded conflicted.  
It was Nick who spoke because Mel didn’t quite know what her response should be.   
\- I love you for all that you love, he said his voice trembling under the emotions.   
Both Mel and Brian shifted their attention and their eyes to him.  
\- Your speech at my wedding…Nick continued with an even more unsteady voice and came near them.  
\- Jesus…Mel hissed.   
She hadn’t attended Nick’s wedding. She had invoked shootings in another part of the globe, which was not technically a lie. She had been on a different continent with work, but only because she had decided it was the wise thing to do. However, she had seen parts of the wedding, including Brian’s speech. It had brought tears to everyone’s eyes, Lauren’s too, and a mix of emotions in Mel’s heart. It had been a bold and almost reckless statement. He had been almost furious at Brian. Almost. Because she knew that moment was not about her, but about two brothers who were in need for reconnection.   
\- I love you for all that you love, Nick repeated and this time, were not Brian’s words. This time, were his own.   
Mel moved her hand from the door and Nick enveloped Brian in a strong hug. Before she could take a step away from them, Nick dragged her into their embrace. Her body went rigid for a second, before accepting what her mind already knew it had to happen. It was over. At least in theory it was over because in reality there was no heavyweight that had been removed from her shoulders. Things were going to be better from that moment on, she was sure of it, but something she could not exactly name was still bugging her.   
\- You’re free, Brian, she whispered because it was the right thing to be said, not necessarily true, tho.   
After what seemed an eternity, Nick extricated himself from the trio he had created.  
\- We should get ready for the party, he said and wiped his tears.  
Brian took Mel’s head into his hands and she lowered it a little, their foreheads slightly touching.  
\- I know you’re sorry, Bri.   
She put her hands over his wrists but did not make an attempt to ward him off.  
\- I’m fine. It’s time for you to be so, too.  
Brian sighed as Mel gently pushed his hands down. It was hard to let go of something that had been part of him for so many years, even if that something was painful and hurtful and had messed every aspect of his life. It occurred to him that he did not know anymore how to live as a man who was not chained up by a secret. He did not know what "free" meant. And, in the end, was he really free? A secret was not conditioned by the number of people who knew it, but right now Brian decided to be grateful for what he had. The two people he had hurt with his stupid actions were finally OK and that was much more than he had ever dared to dream of. There were so many things that he wanted to tell them, but most of the phrases started with “I’m sorry” and he was sure Mel was going to slap him if she heard one more time those words.  
\- I’m happy you came here, he said instead.  
\- Yeah…Mel said in a low voice. Now go change! There’s a party that is waiting for us!  
Brian nodded.  
\- See you on deck?  
\- Sure thing, Nick responded with a smile. You look lovely, by the way! He said to Mel when Brian was out. She was wearing a long, deep v neck, dark blue dress, with all the Milky Way embroidered on its folds.  
\- Hmm? Mel turned to him.  
\- You look lovely in this dress, Nick repeated.  
\- Lovely?  
\- Fine…absolutely stunning! Better?  
\- It better be stunning, ‘cause it gave me a hard time to put it on me, she said and stroke her fingertips over the airy material.  
\- Do you think I can offer something to drink this time?   
Mel frowned at him and Nick started to believe she was not getting his hint.  
\- Joder…she finally whispered with a bewildered smile, because she did get his reference.   
\- Hey, I’m not fluent in Spanish cursing. Is that a “Yes” or a “No”?  
\- Well, you did learn how to play the guitar… Mel responded with a playful shade in her voice.  
They both started to laugh, but they didn’t bring any more memories to the present.  
\- Just offer me some decent wine, please. The level of sugar in my blood had increased considerably with all the cocktails I’ve been feeding myself these days.  
\- Light champagne is all I have.  
\- Such a diva, she theatrically sighed. OK, I’ll let you get change. See? I’m walking out of the room this time, she said and cracked the door just a little.  
\- Hey…he started with no specific idea in his mind.   
He wanted to thank her, but it felt ludicrous. Thank her for what? For her understanding, for taking his side in the end, for acting brave one more time so they could go on with their lives? He did that too.  
From the doorway, Mel turned her head a little and looked at him.  
\- Yeah…she said as a response to all those unspoken words that flew around them, then took the step that got her out of the cabin.   
\- Princess! AJ gritted her on the hallway, absolutely oblivious at the fact she had just closed the door from Nick’s room. Or not giving a single damn about that, Mel was no sure with which one to go.   
\- Hey, Aje! Ready to party?  
\- I’m ready to put an end to this madness. I need sleep! He complained.  
\- That’s the spirit! Mel laughed and took him by his arm.  
They started walking and, for the first time since embarkation, she did not feel the past haunting her at every step. It was there, but it was not menacing anymore. The zombies had been put to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final one. Hope you enjoyed it.


End file.
